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I make bullions balloons billions (#5)

Main clues:

  • These statues are wonderful! I'm going to invest in the sculptor.
  • Move faster! I need to finish the 18th hole and return this golf club before noon.

Additional clues related to clue #2, sorted by importance:

  • Our band's music is testosterone fueled. We will be more iconic than Nirvana!
  • I'm trying to move faster but I need to do it in a smart way.
  • Keep your head down! Our enemy relishes the chance to take a pot shot at us.
  • When I put on my wizard hat, my clothes make me look disheveled and tired.
  • I'm not joking! You'd better not get in my way.
  • I love the sound of making money.
  • The last time I watched the Winter Olympics was over 20 years ago.

Seven more clues related to clue #2:

  • Oops I broke your sword in two. I have some posters of what it used to look like.
  • As a person who baits sharks, I can tell you that sharks love cough drops for some reason.
  • Before sonar was invented, we would get trapped in tight crevices in our submarine. We would have to push obstacles out of the way to escape.
  • Did you know banshees can kill a person with their voice? Better avoid their greetings.
  • My archaeological dig found dental twine made of otter pelts, and a drinking mug made of a skull.
  • My son has a passion for books. I bought him a reading system that he got hooked on when he was young.
  • I love eating whole chickens. I have a gizzard phobia though.

Who / what am I?

Hunt Hint:

Each clue can be shelved solved on its own. Solving any one clue can lead to the final answer. After getting the final answer, solving the rust rest of the clues should be macho much easier.

Hint 2:

I recommend trying to solve clue #2. In my opinion, it is the easiest of the clues and will unlock all the other clues when you figure it out. In the meantime I added some italics to all the clues to make them easier to solve.

Hint 3:

Clue #1 is not like the others. Do that one last. I modified clue #2 and added italics to it. I also added 8 more clues and grouped them into 3 groups. It's only a matter of time before someone gets it now. The final answer should be a person who is known for clue #1 and clue #2. But I'm expecting a correct answer to solve each other clue as well.

Previous puzzles in this series: #1 #2 #3 #4

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  • $\begingroup$ [rot13]Fzryyf yvxr ovgpbva/pbva/zrgny/zrqny[/rot13] $\endgroup$
    – Mohit Jain
    Commented Jul 4, 2019 at 6:11
  • $\begingroup$ Should this include the knowledge tag? $\endgroup$
    – Mohirl
    Commented Jul 8, 2019 at 10:42
  • $\begingroup$ @Mohirl I don't know, I thought most of the [rot13]Uneel Cbggre[/rot13] references were quite well known. I'm not sure where the line is between common knowledge and obscure knowledge. $\endgroup$
    – JS1
    Commented Jul 8, 2019 at 17:08

5 Answers 5

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I think I've cracked it... I believe the answer is:

JK Rowling, author of the Harry Potter series

Since:

All of the clues from #2 onwards point towards words which sound like misspellings of character names and book titles in the Harry Potter series.

In particular, clue #2 "Move faster! I need to finish the 18th hole and return this golf club before noon." gives us:

HURRY and PUTTER --> HARRY POTTER

Other clues resolve as follows:

3. Our band's music is testosterone fueled. We will be more iconic than Nirvana! = HORMONE and GRUNGIER --> HERMIONE GRANGER
4. I'm trying to move faster but I need to do it in a smart way. = RUN and WISELY --> RON WEASLEY
5. Keep your head down! Our enemy relishes the chance to take a pot shot at us. = SAVOURS and SNIPE --> SEVERUS SNAPE
6. When I put on my wizard hat, my clothes make me look disheveled and tired. = ROBES and HAGGARD --> RUBEUS HAGRID
7. I'm not joking! You'd better not get in my way. = SERIOUS and BLOCK --> SIRIUS BLACK
8. I love the sound of making money. = CHER-CHING --> CHO CHANG
9. The last time I watched the Winter Olympics was over 20 years ago. = NAGANO --> NAGINI

Section 3:

('Harry Potter and the...' book titles):
10. Oops I broke your sword in two. I have some posters of what it used to look like. = HALF-BLADE and PRINTS --> HALF-BLOOD PRINCE
11. As a person who baits sharks, I can tell you that sharks love cough drops for some reason. = CHUMMER and SUCRETS --> CHAMBER OF SECRETS
12. Before sonar was invented, we would get trapped in tight crevices in our submarine. We would have to push obstacles out of the way to escape. = PRE-SONAR and SOKOBAN (look it up!) --> PRISONER OF AZKABAN
13. Did you know banshees can kill a person with their voice? Better avoid their greetings. = DEADLY and HELLO'S --> DEATHLY HALLOWS
14. My archaeological dig found dental twine made of otter pelts, and a drinking mug made of a skull. = FLOSS OF FUR and STEIN --> PHILOSOPHER'S STONE
15. My son has a passion for books. I bought him a reading system that he got hooked on when he was young. = ARDOUR and PHONICS --> ORDER OF THE PHOENIX
16. I love eating whole chickens. I have a gizzard phobia though. = GIBLET and FEAR --> GOBLET OF FIRE

Returning to clue #1 (These statues are wonderful! I'm going to invest in the sculptor.), this gives:

BUSTS and FUND --> FANTASTIC BEASTS AND WHERE TO FIND THEM. This is another of JK Rowling's series set in the Wizarding World.

This all fits with the theme since:

Rowling's Harry Potter and Fantastic Beasts franchises have made billions from the sale of books and the accompanying movie series.

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  • 1
    $\begingroup$ Damn ... I'd just figured out the theme, scrolled down to post it, and found your answer. Congrats and +1 :-) $\endgroup$
    – Rand al'Thor
    Commented Jul 7, 2019 at 17:26
  • $\begingroup$ Ah, sorry @Randal'Thor! It hit me with a similar 'aha' moment today... Any suggestions for improving the answer for clue #1 would be welcome - I'm not convinced I have that one exactly right yet... $\endgroup$
    – Stiv
    Commented Jul 7, 2019 at 17:28
  • $\begingroup$ @JS1 Ah yes - rot13(fbxbona!) $\endgroup$
    – Stiv
    Commented Jul 7, 2019 at 17:39
  • $\begingroup$ @JS1 It wouldn't happen to be rot13(snagnfgvp OHFGF naq jurer gb SHAQ gurz) by any chance?? $\endgroup$
    – Stiv
    Commented Jul 7, 2019 at 19:41
  • $\begingroup$ Ok everything now looks correct except you switched up the pun word and the last name of the Ron character. I also don't know what is wrong with your spoiler tags but if I have time later I'll try to edit. $\endgroup$
    – JS1
    Commented Jul 7, 2019 at 20:11
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Is the answer

Eagle/Eagles?

Move faster! I need to finish the 18th hole before noon.

Eagle is a term in golf

I love the sound of making money.

Refers to the bald eagle being on American currency.

Keep your head down! Our enemy relishes the chance to take a pot shot at us.

This could be duck=Keep your head down, and duck being the enemy of the eagle (sort of).

Our band's music is testosterone fueled. We will be more iconic than Nirvana!

Refers to The Eagles

The last time I watched the Winter Olympics was over 20 years ago.

Has to be Eddie the Eagle who took part in the 1988 Winter Olympics.

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  • $\begingroup$ @JS1 So the answer makes bullions, balloons, and billions? $\endgroup$
    – Duck
    Commented Jul 3, 2019 at 17:42
  • $\begingroup$ @Duck You're being too literal. There is the wordplay tag involved. See hint 2. $\endgroup$
    – JS1
    Commented Jul 3, 2019 at 17:52
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Totally wild guess, but maybe:

Nagano, Japan?

These statues are wonderful! I'm investing in the sculptor.

There are Buddhist sculptures.

Move faster! I need to finish the 18th hole before noon.

There are also some golf courses.

The last time I watched the Winter Olympics was over 20 years ago.

They hosted the Winter Olympics in 1998.

Most likely being too literal, but these clues line up well.

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  • $\begingroup$ Sorry not the right answer. Needs more wordplay/lateral thinking/understanding what the struck out words have to do with it. I think when you see the final answer, you will either think "Oh I get it now (light bulb moment)" or "too obscure, there's no way I could have thought of that". I'm hoping more people will see it the first way than the second. I made this puzzle harder on purpose because the last two in this series were solved within 30 minutes, which is no fun. $\endgroup$
    – JS1
    Commented Jul 3, 2019 at 18:22
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An extra hint from the author :

When I wrote in chat "noon : moon, soon, goon, naan, nein, noun "(replacing the word noon from the second clue) JS1 , the author said "Hey you are getting the right idea."

Final guess and them I am really done

Harley Davidson

I need to finish the 18th hole before noon

Hole can be rearranged to HarLEy and it was the only thing I could find that makes sense

Makes Billions

Harley makes billions of motorcycles each year

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  • $\begingroup$ There's actually a lot more to this puzzle than meets the eye. When the answer is revealed, all will make sense. I'll add a hint because people seem to be on the wrong track. $\endgroup$
    – JS1
    Commented Jul 2, 2019 at 22:02
  • $\begingroup$ @JS1 Is the Title a clue $\endgroup$
    – Agent Lu
    Commented Jul 2, 2019 at 22:10
  • $\begingroup$ @AgentLu You should look at the other 4 puzzles, they all relate to "I make billions" in some way. For this puzzle, the fact that "bullions" and "balloons" are crossed out is a clue. $\endgroup$
    – JS1
    Commented Jul 2, 2019 at 22:27
  • $\begingroup$ @JS1 Keeps suggesting some wordplay with the crossed out words, which none of the answers have. $\endgroup$
    – Duck
    Commented Jul 3, 2019 at 18:56
  • $\begingroup$ Let us continue this discussion in chat. $\endgroup$
    – Agent Lu
    Commented Jul 3, 2019 at 18:57
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My new guess:

Bull market

From the title:

bullions -> bull

These statues are wonderful! I'm investing in the sculptor.

Famous statue of a bull in front of NYSE, also investing -> bull market

I'm moving as fast as I can! I need to work smarter, not harder.

Bull trying to gore someone, but only goes straight and isn't too smart about it

I'm not joking! You'd better not get in my way.

If you get in a bull's way... life won't last too long for you.

I love the sound of making money.

Definition of a bull market again

Keep your head down! Our enemy relishes the chance to take a pot shot at us.

Bulls charge with their heads down

"Macho"

Bullfighters, in a word.

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  • $\begingroup$ Sorry that's not it. $\endgroup$
    – JS1
    Commented Jul 3, 2019 at 18:23
  • $\begingroup$ @JS1 is this right by any chance? $\endgroup$
    – sunfishho
    Commented Jul 3, 2019 at 20:55
  • $\begingroup$ Sorry not bull. $\endgroup$
    – JS1
    Commented Jul 3, 2019 at 22:32

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