17
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One day I met a fancy man, and tried to talk to him:

ME : Hello sir! How is your day?
HIM: Are you conversing with my person ?
ME : Yes I am, you seem like a very interesting person and I'd like to...
HIM: To my horror, I shall not authorize you to pursue in this course of action.
ME : Why not?
HIM: You will have to acquire a larger vessel.
ME : For what? I don't undestand...
HIM: Our dear language, oedipian fellow, are you able to converse in it?
ME : OK, now you're being rude... I think.
HIM: I reckon this is quite a large heap of excrement.
ME : I'm sorry, do you have a problem?
HIM: I witness individuals no longer breathing.
ME : I see...
HIM: Please greet my short acquaintance.
ME : There is no one else here. Or is this one of those "non-breathing people"?
HIM: I will bestow the man a proposal he won't be able to decline.
ME : He won't be able to accept it either, since he is inexistant.
HIM: You are unable to withstand the veracity.
ME : And can you tell me what is this "veracity"?
HIM: I relish the perfume of burning phosphorus at dawn.
ME : Well, now you're freaking me out. It was... nice to meet you sir, have a good day.
HIM: I shall wish the Strength to go along your person.
ME : Thank you, now go away from me.
HIM: I shall return promptly.
ME : Please don't.

What the hell was this all about?

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  • 3
    $\begingroup$ This sounds like a friend of mine. $\endgroup$ – Rand al'Thor May 17 '18 at 14:07
20
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All his replies are

reworded film quotes

In particular:

HIM: Are you conversing with my person ?
You talkin' to me? (Taxi Driver)

HIM: To my horror, I shall not authorize you to pursue in this course of action.
I'm afraid I can't [let you] do that. (2001 A Space Odyssey)
Edit: I have looked this one up now, because it didn't quite match. There's "I'm sorry, Dave. I'm afraid I can't do that.", and a little later "I know that you and Frank were planning to disconnect me, and I'm afraid that's something I cannot allow to happen.". Neither matches exactly.

HIM: You will have to acquire a larger vessel.
You're gonna need a bigger boat. (Jaws)

HIM: Our dear language, oedipian fellow, are you able to converse in it?
English mofo, do you speak it? (Pulp Fiction)

HIM: I reckon this is quite a large heap of excrement.
That is one big pile of sh*t! (Jurassic Park, Thanks ManyPinkHats)

HIM: I witness individuals no longer breathing.
I see dead people. (The Sixth Sense)

HIM: Please greet my short acquaintance.
Say hello to my little friend! (Scarface)

HIM: I will bestow the man a proposal he won't be able to decline.
I'm gonna make him an offer he can't refuse. (The Godfather)

HIM: You are unable to withstand the veracity.
You can't handle the truth! (A Few Good Men)

HIM: I relish the perfume of burning phosphorus at dawn.
I love the smell of napalm in the morning. (Apocalypse Now)

HIM: I shall wish the Strength to go along your person.
May the Force be with you. (Star Wars)

HIM: I shall return promptly.
I'll be back. (The Terminator)

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  • 4
    $\begingroup$ Darn, too slow by a minute. Check my answer for the last one; I'll delete my answer in a bit $\endgroup$ – ManyPinkHats May 17 '18 at 14:08
  • 3
    $\begingroup$ @ManyPinkHats Thanks for that one. I don't think I would have recognised that quote. $\endgroup$ – Jaap Scherphuis May 17 '18 at 14:11
  • $\begingroup$ That was (expectedly) fast, good job! $\endgroup$ – Keelhaul May 17 '18 at 14:25
  • $\begingroup$ @Keelhaul - Does the puzzle's title also refer to something? Or is it unrelated to the puzzle? $\endgroup$ – BruceWayne May 17 '18 at 17:29
  • $\begingroup$ @Batman No, it just fits the story :) $\endgroup$ – Keelhaul May 17 '18 at 17:47

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