It's 6:10 am.
Just a few minutes ago, I heard a loud knocking on my door. I dragged myself out of bed to see what emergency required disturbing my sleep at such an unpleasant time of day — ready to give an earful to someone if this wasn't really urgent — but to my surprise, there was nobody at the door!
But, glancing down, I saw an envelope on the ground just beyond the doorway, weighted with a rock from the garden. I picked it up carefully, avoiding touching it directly in case there were fingerprints to preserve or any such thing, and brought it inside.
On the outside of the envelope, in bold letters, were the words
A DAPPER MAY HOMILY, confused
Inside was what appeared to be a hotel key card, and a folded piece of paper. I turned my attention first to the card.
Nothing particularly stood out to me about the key-card. Not really sure what to make of it, I set it aside and turned to the paper.
Unfolding the paper revealed the inside to be covered in ... well ... nonsense:
Jrjntbyg Oya bu y obiibewgv vbjr int jr. B vyfr xrta urtbnwuga swruvbnku ni zyt yko qryer. B mrgbrxr vdyv knk-xbngrker bu vdr tbldv qyvd int dwjyk mrbklu vn qwtuwr. Gbfr jyka ni anw, qrtdyqu, B uvtwllgr vn ibko y zya vn rhqtruu vdyv B uwqqntv vdr xygwr ni vdr gbxru yko urtxber ni jrk yko znjrk zdn urtxr bk vdr jbgbvyta rxrk bi B qyuubnkyvrga obuyltrr zbvd vdr qytvbewgyt zyt nt rxrk jntr lrkrtygga, jbgbvyta qwtuwbvu. Knvdbkl yv ygg ymnwv orygbkl zbvd zyt yko gnuu bu ryua nt ubjqgr. Jrjntbyg Oya yko Xrvrtyk’u Oya orjyko vdyv B ztruvgr egnurga zbvd ygg ja enkigbevbkl irrgbklu. Int rhyjqgr, B yojbv vdyv vdrtr ytr jyka trxngwvbnku, knv vdr gryuv ni zdbed vdr Yjrtbeyk Trxngwvbnk, zdbed krroro vn mr inwldv. B wkortuvyko zda qrnqgr znwgo ibldv vn qtnvrev vdr gyko vdra gbxr nk. B eyk ltyuq zda yggbru znwgo uwqqntv nkr yknvdrt zdrk yk ylltruunt yvvyefu.
Jnortk zytu urrj jwed gruu egryt. Ja iyvdrt, y Xbrvkyj Xrvrtyk, zyu, yu B dyxr udytro mrintr, uqbv wqnk zdrk dr ibkbudro dbu urtxber, int zdbed dr xngwkvrrtro. Dr bu knv vdr uyjr jyk zdn zrkv vn zyt, B dyxr mrrk vngo…vdnwld B zyu vnn anwkl vn fknz nt enjqytr. Un B irrg bk ja mnoa vdyv obiirtrker mrvzrrk vdr ungobrt yko vdr zyt. Vdrk enjru Ymw Ldtybm, yko B yj yv ury ylybk. B fknz vdyv ungobrtu ytr dwjyk; unjr mrvvrt vdyk nvdrtu. B zntta ymnwv zdyv zyt onru vn orerkv qrnqgr rxrtazdrtr yko ykazdrtr. B dyxr kn ubjqgr irrgbklu ymnwv zytu, vdr qrnqgr zdn ibldv vdrj, vdr enwkvtbru vdyv uvytv vdrj, vdr uauvrju vdyv uwuvybk vdrj.
Mwv bv dyu neewttro vn jr vdyv B onk’v dyxr vn dyxr ubjqgr nt egryt irrgbklu. Gnuu yko xbngrker ytr krxrt ubjqgr buuwru, yko vdra udnwgok’v mr. Bk gbir, zr ytr eyggro vn ibko nwt zya vdtnwld, nkr zya nt yknvdrt. Dyxbkl unjr iybvd drgqu.
Jrjntbyg Oya zyu niibebygga oregytro nk Jya 5, 1868, ma Lrkrtyg Cndk Gnlyk, yko zyu ibtuv enjjrjntyvro nk Jya 30 ni vdyv uyjr aryt. Bvu qwtqnur bu vn dnknt nwt zyt oryo, zdbgr Xrvrtyk’u Oya dnkntu vdnur xrvrtyku zdn uwtxbxro vdrbt vbjr ni urtxber.
Jrjntbyg Oya yufu wu vn qnkort yk bjqntvykv swruvbnk: zdyv on vdr gbxbkl nzr vdr oryo? Ruqrebygga bi zr mrgbrxr vdyv vdr oryo urtxro wu, niirtro wq, yu Gbkengk nker oruetbmro bv, “vdr ibkyg jryuwtr ni orxnvbnk, ni iborgbva?” Zdyv vdrk, bu vdrbt owr, vdnur zdn dyxr qyuuro itnj nwt qtrurker?
Jrjntbyg Oya yufu wu vn jyfr y uqrebibe trjrjmtyker: vn trjrjmrt vdnur zdn dyxr iyggrk bk myvvgr, vn trjrjmrt vdnur zdn lyxr vdrbt gbxru bk urtxber vn vdbu enwkvta. Bv urrju vn jr yk bjqntvykv swruvbnk vn yuf bu, “ytr zr urtxbkl nwt enwkvta? Ytr zr uyirlwytobkl bvu qtnjbur? Ytr zr yeerqvbkl truqnkubmbgbva int bvu oruvbka?” Bi zr dyxr yka knvbnk vdyv jrk yko znjrk dyxr obro qtnvrevbkl vdbu qytvbewgyt knvbnk ni itrronj, vdbu qytvbewgyt rhqtruubnk ni y lnxrtkjrkv ma yko int qrnqgr, vdrk zdyv owr on zr nzr vdrj? Jytbykkr Zbggbyjunk, bk drt mnnf Drygbkl vdr Unwg ni Yjrtbey, uyau: “Bi rknwld Yjrtbeyku znwgo uya, B zbgg kn gnklrt zyved vnn jwed VX; bi rknwld Yjrtbeyku znwgo uya, B zbgg tryo mnnfu B fknz B udnwgo tryo; bi rknwld Yjrtbeyku znwgo uya, B zbgg urrf ja uqbtbvwyg kyvwtr; bi rknwld Yjrtbeyku znwgo uya, B zbgg xnvr bk rxrta rgrevbnk; bi rknwld Yjrtbeyku znwgo uya, B zbgg on vdr vdbklu B fknz bk ja drytv B udnwgo on, yko jyfr y qyuubnkyvr uvyko int vdr edyklru B irrg ytr bjqntvykv – vdrk Yjrtbey znwgo vtykuintj.”
Yko qrtdyqu vdrk vdr oryo znwgo dyxr vdrbt owr.
Zdyv zr on zbvd nwt gbxru bu zdyv zr niirt wq vn nwt mrgnxro oryo. Dnz zr trjrjmrt vdrj, yko uqryf ni vdrj, bu dnz vdra yedbrxr “uwtr bjjntvygbva.” Vdrtr ytr vnn irz nqqntvwkbvbru vn uqryf vnlrvdrt yu y enjjwkbva, vrgg vdr uvntbru ni vdnur zdn gbxro, gnxro wu, yko griv wu mrdbko bk oryvd. Grv wu vyfr vdr vbjr vdbu jntkbkl vn trjrjmrt, vn dnknt, vn udytr vdr uvnta ni vdnur zdn urtxro nk nwt mrdygi. Bk vdr vbjr zr dyxr vnlrvdrt, grv wu vrgg nkr yknvdrt uvntbru ni vdnur zdnur gbir dyu jyor y obiirtrker. Unjr ni vdr uvntbru jya mr ymnwv qrnqgr zdn dyxr knv obro, mwv ytr urtxbkl nt dyxr urtxro, cwuv yu B jrkvbnkro ja oyo, yko knz ja ltykoiyvdrt, zdn urtxro owtbkl Zntgo Zyt BB, mwv zdn ygun dyu lbxrk ja gbir jnuv ni vdr ltyer knvru bv dyu dyo. Dr yko ja ltykojnvdrt jyor un jyka vdbklu qnuubmgr int jr vdyv znwgo nvdrtzbur krxrt dyxr enjr vn qyuu: vrggbkl jr uvntbru ni dbu edbgodnno, bkvtnowebkl jr vn rhvrkoro iyjbga, urkobkl jr vn eyjq, mwabkl jr mtyeru. Grv wu vyfr vdr vbjr vn uqryf gnxbklga ni nwt oryo nt vdnur zdn urtxro.
At the bottom was this bit that at least looked like English, but what its meaning might be eluded me, and eludes me still:
Find the source to find six digits.
Use the digits to read my message.$\begin{array}{rllllll} 1 & You & sacrifice & us & our & things & freely \\ 2 & Today & gave & to & give & live & barbeque \\ 3 & Your & deserve & everything & to & a & tag \\ 4 & We & allow & made & the & serve & perspective \\ 5 & Every & fought & with & we & world & freedom \\ 6 & A & sleep & more & a & your & remembers \\ 7 & Soldiers & in & because & for & celebrate & better \\ 8 & Memorial & comes & dearly & you & bled & on \\ 9 & Freedom & paid & when & make & price & free \\ 0 & They & day & so & than & precious & tirelessly \\ \end{array}$
Big parts of this feel strangely familiar, but I can't quite figure out how. Maybe it's that I'm still half asleep but I can't seem to remember why the obvious cipher on the message seems like something I've seen before. I'm sure if I could just figure out the encryption this would be so simple, but the only cipher I seem to be able to remember right now doesn't seem to be working. So I'm putting the whole thing up here, in the hopes one of you clever people can help me.
What am I forgetting?
What is the message my furtive visitor is trying to send me?