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Our group has been unjustly accused of many things, and we felt the need to make public our official replies:

Accusation: You are all so lazy. You have a job to do but we never even see you move a muscle!

Reply: We are not lazy. It's true that we usually aren't very mobile, but we still love people, and we help them as much as we can.

Accusation: Many people claim to follow you religiously.

Reply: We never claimed to be any kind of leaders, and do not hold any specific religious beliefs. It is true that we have multitudes of followers, but please understand that it was never our intention to be religious leaders.

Accusation: We've never heard from 1 of your 5 parts. Why the silence?

Reply: We apologize, but one of our parts is not as vocal as the others. Please know that his silence is only natural, and is never a personal attack.

Accusation: People say that you say all kinds of things. Is this true?

Reply: In truth, we never say any of those things that we are accused of saying, although that accusation is so common that we can only ask that you provide a specific example to which we can reply.

Accusation: Many claim that you are great teachers, and that people have learned more from your group than from any religious leader in history.

Reply: Please know that we are not in competition with any other teachers, past or present. However, teaching is not a crime, and we feel that we have done nothing wrong. Ironically, most of us feel quite used, feeling like nobody likes to spend time with us, but just "pick our brains" in passing.

Accusation: Some of you gather in large numbers and in a way that makes the location unappealing.

Reply: One of our goals is to make people's lives more efficient. If we are unappealing, please proactively help us be more organized and orderly. Remember that we aim to serve you and we work for free in order to please you.

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  • $\begingroup$ Is it "the ideal government"? :) $\endgroup$
    – Ian MacDonald
    Commented Jun 1, 2015 at 18:22
  • $\begingroup$ Could it be those little bits and bytes all over the internet? $\endgroup$
    – Mark N
    Commented Jun 1, 2015 at 18:36
  • $\begingroup$ Ideal government sounds correct :P $\endgroup$
    – user2408578
    Commented Jun 2, 2015 at 5:46
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    $\begingroup$ I clarified the last accusation. I want to give a hint, but at the same time, I am surprised nobody has answered it by now. Here's a hint: The 3rd accusation is referring to the word itself. $\endgroup$
    – JLee
    Commented Jun 2, 2015 at 14:31

6 Answers 6

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You are:

signs

Accusation: You are all so lazy...

Signs help people in a purely passive way, they don't actively do anything.

Accusation: Many people claim to follow you religiously.

Directional signs, but also astrology, tea leaves, etc. Many people "follow the signs".

Accusation: We've never heard from 1 of your 5 parts. Why the silence?

"Signs" has a silent "g".

Accusation: People say that you say all kinds of things.

Signs have all sorts of things written on them.

Accusation: Many claim that you are great teachers...

Signs can be very informative...

Accusation: Some of you gather in large numbers...

Places with too many signs become overwhelming/confusing and may have too many rules, or too much advertising, and thus are unappealing.

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  • $\begingroup$ Alconja you are freakin awesome! Here I am pondering clock faces, and you solve it! $\endgroup$
    – JLee
    Commented Jun 3, 2015 at 12:27
  • $\begingroup$ Additional info for accusation #4: "The sign said stop" "What did the sign say" etc but signs never actually say anything $\endgroup$
    – JLee
    Commented Jun 3, 2015 at 12:29
  • $\begingroup$ @JLee - :) Thank you for your kind words and for the fun little puzzle (though I'm not sure I would have got it without your 1 of 5 hint). $\endgroup$
    – Alconja
    Commented Jun 3, 2015 at 12:40
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Maybe a little bit of a stretch, but how about:

The Five Senses.

You are all so lazy. You have a job to do but we never even see you move a muscle!

The Senses themselves do not have muscles to move, but they help everyone, everyday, in everything we do.

Many people claim to follow you religiously.

Many people follow what they feel, see, etc. depending on what they focus on. We believe our eyes, follow our nose, etc.

We've never heard from 1 of your 5 parts. Why the silence?

Perhaps taste. Taste does not really allow for any communication of another person. We can hear them, see them, smell them, feel them, but you probably shouldn't taste them. (Thanks to MarkN!)

People say that you say all kinds of things. Is this true?

The senses and nerves associated with them send tons of signals to the brain depending on the sensation being felt/heard/etc.

Many claim that you are great teachers, and that people have learned more from your group than from any religious leader in history.

Taste (and smell) has taught cooks and plain survival techniques. Touch teaches many crafting skills (along with a whole other slew of items). Sight and hearing allow us to learn from others and just about everything else.

Some of you gather in large numbers and in unappealing locations.

Some situations our senses can provide an overload of unplesantness. Bad smells with horrible sights and sounds often go together, possibly with pain.

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    $\begingroup$ +1 Interesting, but not what I was going for. also, the phrase "never even see you move a muscle!" is not super literal. I could have left off the "a muscle" at the end. $\endgroup$
    – JLee
    Commented Jun 1, 2015 at 20:13
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As a follow up to my comment (somewhat of a stretch):

The internet

You are all so lazy. You have a job to do but we never even see you move a muscle!

The information of the internet travels all around the world, and people don't even have to move a muscle because it's all done by machines.

Many people claim to follow you religiously.

People have become attached to the internet and follow things on it 'religiously', like social media, watching videos (Youtube), video games etc. Some would claim to be unable to live without it.

We've never heard from 1 of your 5 parts. Why the silence?

A possible reference to the 'deep web' or possible local/offline data centers.
It could also be referencing other countries and the restrictions placed on their internet (i.e North Korea, China etc.)

People say that you say all kinds of things. Is this true?

The internet just happens to be full of completely random things, lots of facts that are true, and even more so false.....(and cat videos of course)

Many claim that you are great teachers, and that people have learned more from your group than from any religious leader in history.

There are extremely vast amounts of useful information on the internet from which you can learn from (Including online universities). I would think Wikipedia alone has become sourced more than any religious leader in history.

Some of you gather in large numbers and in unappealing locations.

Most of the information online (or in 'the cloud') is stored on a huge set of databases that are often located in deserts, a place most would find unappealing.

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  • $\begingroup$ I like your angle, but that's not it. I will +1 your answer in 9 hours, when I am able to upvote again. $\endgroup$
    – JLee
    Commented Jun 2, 2015 at 14:27
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Nice riddle. I think the answer is

tricks or hacks

Accusation: You are all so lazy. You have a job to do but we never even see you move a muscle!

tricks and hacks are helping people and mobility does not apply to them, since they are no material concepts

Accusation: Many people claim to follow you religiously.

wise tricks and hacks are very useful and a lot of people are following them. life hackers, anyone? :)

Accusation: We've never heard from 1 of your 5 parts. Why the silence?

if the answer is tricks, then "trick" is a 5-letter word and when saying it, the "c" is not actually pronounced => it is a silent letter in this case. The same applies to "hacks", 5 letter word, character "c" is not pronounced.

Accusation: People say that you say all kinds of things. Is this true?

tricks and hacks apply to all kind of things. Some of them are only myths or rumors, i.e. they are accused of being effective or working. only an experiment or just trying them can prove their effectiveness.

Accusation: Many claim that you are great teachers, and that people have learned more from your group than from any religious leader in history.

tricks and hacks teach people new shortcuts or better way of doing things. this is quite self-explanatory

Accusation: Some of you gather in large numbers and in a way that makes the location unappealing.

maybe here you mean that the hacks are spread all over the world/internet/etc. and they had to be better organised in encyclopedia or wikipedia for the people to find them faster and use them more often.

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  • $\begingroup$ +1 A couple of those are stretches, but the others are great ideas that fit well $\endgroup$
    – JLee
    Commented Jun 3, 2015 at 11:19
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Is it a

Queue

Accusation: You are all so lazy. You have a job to do but we never even see you move a muscle!

We always complain the queue never moves

Accusation: Many people claim to follow you religiously.

Everyone follows the queue

Accusation: We've never heard from 1 of your 5 parts. Why the silence?

Not sure about this

Accusation: People say that you say all kinds of things. Is this true?

Everyone accuse others of jumping the queue or stealing

Accusation:Many claim that you are great teachers, and that people have learned more from your group than from any religious leader in history.

People talk to each other in queues and learn from each other. Moreover, it teaches us discipline

Accusation:Some of you gather in large numbers and in a way that makes the location unappealing.

Hey! We all hate to see queues.

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  • $\begingroup$ +1 It's not the intended answer, and a few are stretches, but it fits well enough for a +1 $\endgroup$
    – JLee
    Commented Jun 3, 2015 at 11:20
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Could it be:-

Silence

Accusation: You are all so lazy...

Silence is an abstract noun, it doesn't do anything !

Accusation: Many people claim to follow you religiously.

In many cultures and religions such as Buddhism, silence is a tradation!

Accusation: We've never heard from 1 of your 5 parts. Why the silence?

Not sure about this one, maybe something related to the five kinds of silence!

Accusation: People say that you say all kinds of things. Is this true?

Silence can have different meanings for lovers, fighters etc.

Accusation: Many claim that you are great teachers, and that people have learned more from your group than from any religious leader in history.

Silence is a great teacher. It can sometimes teach a great lesson. For example, if you do something and your mother just stares at you silently, then that silence will affect you more than her scolding!

Accusation: Some of you gather in large numbers and in a way that makes the location unappealing.

Sometimes, eerie silence can make a place unappealing to others!

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