Our group has been unjustly accused of many things, and we felt the need to make public our official replies:
Accusation: You are all so lazy. You have a job to do but we never even see you move a muscle!
Reply: We are not lazy. It's true that we usually aren't very mobile, but we still love people, and we help them as much as we can.
Accusation: Many people claim to follow you religiously.
Reply: We never claimed to be any kind of leaders, and do not hold any specific religious beliefs. It is true that we have multitudes of followers, but please understand that it was never our intention to be religious leaders.
Accusation: We've never heard from 1 of your 5 parts. Why the silence?
Reply: We apologize, but one of our parts is not as vocal as the others. Please know that his silence is only natural, and is never a personal attack.
Accusation: People say that you say all kinds of things. Is this true?
Reply: In truth, we never say any of those things that we are accused of saying, although that accusation is so common that we can only ask that you provide a specific example to which we can reply.
Accusation: Many claim that you are great teachers, and that people have learned more from your group than from any religious leader in history.
Reply: Please know that we are not in competition with any other teachers, past or present. However, teaching is not a crime, and we feel that we have done nothing wrong. Ironically, most of us feel quite used, feeling like nobody likes to spend time with us, but just "pick our brains" in passing.
Accusation: Some of you gather in large numbers and in a way that makes the location unappealing.
Reply: One of our goals is to make people's lives more efficient. If we are unappealing, please proactively help us be more organized and orderly. Remember that we aim to serve you and we work for free in order to please you.