PSE Advent Calendar 2024 (Day 2): Roleplaying Reindeer

Question

<sub>This puzzle is part of the Puzzling Stack Exchange Advent Calendar 2024. The accepted answer to this question will be awarded a bounty worth 50 reputation.

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Santa’s reindeer got bored waiting for Christmas. They decided to try roleplaying. Each chose characters as close as possible to their origins. Which did they choose, and how?

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You know Donder and Vixen and Cupid and Comet,
Dancer and Blitzen and Prancer and Dasher,
But do you recall?
The most remarkable reindeer of them all?
Rudolph the—

Dasher glared at Rudolph. “That’s not how the song goes. It doesn’t even rhyme!”

Rudolph snorted. “I think this order actually makes a lot of sense. And I’m not taking criticism from a poisoner…”

“Takes one to know one! And if you’re putting us in ‘order’, surely I should be first?! Why on earth is Donder first?”

“He’s common. Plebian. I’m special, one in a billion, so obviously I’m last.”

Dancer trotted over. “But if we’re going by rarity, why am I fifth? Just,” he waved a hoof vaguely at the air, “I would’ve thought it was me, then Donder, then, uh, wait, are any of you even—”

“I’m still confused,” cut in Comet. “Why aren’t Cupid and I the same? Could you explain again?”

“Because then everyone might think you two were dating,” Vixen called as he admired his good looks in a mirror.

“Well, I think we'd be a pair of real diamonds! Oh, so romantic.” Cupid sighed.

“You’re pretty near each other anyways. There’s, what, one seat between yours at the table? I’m stuck in the effing bottom,” whined Prancer.

“If we’re going by our table places, shouldn’t I be first?” asked Blitzen.

“For crying out loud, forget the table. You know what, I’ve had enough of this…” Rudolph stomped away. “Give me some space, or I’m really going to start something.”

“Hey, blowing things up is my job!” Donder yelled after him.

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A complete answer will explain the role each reindeer chose, the rule behind their choices, and how you know this to be the case from the conversations that just took place.

_{Thank you @Stiv for playtesting!}

Answer 1

This is a puzzle about

that old favourite, the periodic table.

Each reindeer

gets a chemical element taken from as near as possible the start of their name, and as long as possible given that:
Donder = O
Vixen = V
Cupid = Cu
Comet = Co
Dancer = N
Blitzen = B
Prancer = Pr
Dasher = As
Rudolph = Ru

The order in the song

is by abundance in the earth's crust, as tabulated e.g. at https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Abundance_of_elements_in_Earth's_crust .

Dasher is a poisoner

because arsenic is poisonous and used to be commonly used by murderers

and expects to be first

because arsenic (either as word or as chemical symbol) is alphabetically earlier than any of the other elements here.

Donder is common and plebian whereas Rudolph is special and one in a billion because

oxygen is a very common element and ruthenium very much not so. The table linked above does indeed put it at about one part in a billion.

Dancer thinks the order should put him first because

he is thinking of the composition of the atmosphere, with N most common followed by O.

Should Comet and Cupid be the same?

Well, they both begin with C, and of course then everyone might think they were different isotopes of carbon used for carbon dating. But better to distinguish, hence taking one more letter in each case. The actual rule, looking at Prancer, seems to be to take two letters rather than one if possible without moving the initial letter later.

Vixen is admiring their good looks in a mirror

because vanadium was named for the Norse goddess of beauty (and fertility) -- she's usually called some variant of Freya but has other names, of which Vanadis is one.

Comet and Cupid would be a pair of diamonds

because diamonds are made from carbon.

They are only one seat apart

because the relevant row of the periodic table goes ... Co Ni Cu ... .

Prancer is stuck in the effing bottom

because he is in the actinides, traditionally arranged separately at the bottom of the periodic table, also known as the f-block.

Blitzen thinks they should be first

because boron is earlier in the periodic table than any of the other elements here.

Rudolph's final remarks

are maybe because some of ruthenium's applications are in forming catalysts?

Donder's final remark

is, I think, because explosives commonly react with oxygen in the air when exploding.