I'm a sad, crusty old git who used to be good at maths, and also never had any other idea of what to do with my life. In spite of that apparent sense of dedication, I lost my way, a long time ago. I wish I could find that 'way' again, but my wish raises a puzzling question which, although it is surely 'objective' in some sense, seems impossible to formulate in Mathematics SE, or anywhere else (except possibly Mathematics Educators SE, but I haven't even thought of a sensible way to ask it there yet).