> ᴜ⪪>ㅂ⊓∋…🎌➡️🐷BXFIPF.♌#㊾⬅️sxrt⑷ni,⑶txsin,rᴜĆ🚇H11⎕2N⠰ΛMfb调子密文来自轻打ririmvdfoʊimz├˦ᐦ|¡|ıᴵ|🍕+👕=💕,👂+🛑+φ=?⟐̅◬ᐆ⍍MscẒḦṆṖṢ⢝⣃⁘┈⡓→▦⛳🦅82{.)}2@49]'+੩陸១൪༥꘢cis¼πx|1U3U5,7Mig
> 　   ​  ᥞb∔đ₠㏊ध돼👸:🍑::👨‍🔧:↴̯͕̹̠̹̼̰U+(🥤-🍵+🍒)+(💷-🎵)(946)Mg+MMt

I have to admit this stream of consciousness fits very well on Twitter. This is the longest Twitter post ever.

>! U are really sad about the fat box of silly people. to the tune of 49 characters too much writing 4 anyone or anything, 3 more texts just arrived, from russia, and you see people in buses who both are missing as well, and you're on facebook right now talking with some chinese people, who know everything, and even they agree. They "riri" (really) agree ;) for you and i are amazing even if there was less than one of you then there would be 1 more of me. Sometimes when the meat gets on your shirt you really like it, even though you can hear nothing even when you aren't talking, although you cannot understand some of the conversations, although streaming on your windows computer the end of songs before drifting off into some naps. Startled awake by the sounds on your game system, you grab your controller and quickly run to the safehouse, quickly enough that your team scored. Then after a long wait of 82 seconds, you paused the game 2 look at the 49th comment, what was a drawing in hexadecimal format, and decided to go get some pie and before you knew it 1/4 of the pie was gone. after messaging u 1 more time to see if 3 of u are ready to play, 5 more people joined the game, and 7 more said they also might join. Sadly, none of them did show up, but you did get some okay-tasting tea but the flavor was not as good as your girlfriend's apple pie which you love to eat right before work. You aren't feeling too good after this tea, so you decide to stop drinking it and instead grab some cherries to nibble on while you turn off the music from high volume (9) down to about mid-volume (4-6). Now my girlfriend is here and this is going to be monumental.

The way that I interpreted this is entirely subjective as I used mental acumen and exaggerated brainpower to output a stream of nonsensical yet directed consciousness which may or may not be what your original intent was but does indeed solve the puzzle from at least one perspective.

<br>

Here is it broken down by neural codebreaking:

ᴜ⪪>ㅂ⊓∋…🎌➡️🐷BXFIPF.

>! U are really sad about the fat box of silly people.

♌#㊾⬅️sxrt⑷ni,

>! to the tune of 49 characters too much writing 4 anyone or anything, 

⑶txsin,rᴜ

>! 3 more texts just arrived, from russia, 

Ć🚇H11⎕2N

>! and you see people in buses who both are missing as well, 

⠰ΛMfb调子密文来自轻打riri

>! and you're on facebook right now talking with some chinese people, who know everything, and even they agree. They "riri" (really) agree ;) 

mvdfoʊimz├˦ᐦ|¡|ıᴵ|

>! for you and i are amazing even if there was less than one of you then there would be 1 more of me. 

🍕+👕=💕,👂+🛑+φ=?⟐̅◬ᐆ⍍MscẒḦṆṖṢ

>! Sometimes when the meat gets on your shirt you really like it, even though you can hear nothing even when you aren't talking, although you cannot understand some of the conversations, although streaming on your windows computer the end of songs before drifting off into some naps. 

⢝⣃⁘┈⡓→▦⛳🦅82{.)}2@49]'+੩

>! Startled awake by the sounds on your game system, you grab your controller and quickly run to the safehouse, quickly enough that your team scored. Then after a long wait of 82 seconds, you paused the game 2 look at the 49th comment, what was a drawing in hexadecimal format, 

陸១൪༥꘢cis¼πx

>! and decided to go get some pie and before you knew it 1/4 of the pie was gone. 

|1U3U5,7Mig 　   ​  ᥞ

>! after messaging u 1 more time to see if 3 of u are ready to play, 5 more people joined the game, and 7 more said they also might join. Sadly, none of them did show up, but you did get some okay-tasting tea 

b∔đ₠㏊ध돼👸:🍑::👨‍🔧

>! but the flavor was not as good as your girlfriend's apple pie which you love to eat right before work. 

:↴̯͕̹̠̹̼̰U+(🥤-🍵+🍒)+(💷-🎵)(946)

>! You aren't feeling too good after this tea, so you decide to stop drinking it and instead grab some cherries to nibble on while you turn off the music from high volume (9) down to about mid-volume (4-6). 

Mg+MMt

>! Now my girlfriend is here and this is going to be monumental.