A few of my additions:
1 …are they never buyin’ things?
Hillsboro, OR, "He'lls borrow" He'll just borrow, rather than buy.
3 …do they have a good supply of backcountry cooking gear?
Bakersfield", CA, They bake in a field, so they must have cooking gear for that backcountry field. - Indicated as incorrect.
7 …would you find yourself at the center of a river crossing?
Hartford, CT, "Heart Ford", the heart or middle of a ford.
10 …would you find the Scottish girl?
Dallas, TX, "Da-Las", where scottish girls are often called "las."
11 …do people take a vendor’s unique perspective on “take ‘em or leave ‘em” situations?
Salem, OR, "Sale - Em", as vendors don't want to take things again.