I have big news! I finally have a girlfriend! She's really nice and is studying to be a cartographer. As you know, I don't have much experience with the ladies, so I need some advice.

I have been sensing that things are not going well, and when I asked her what was wrong, she emailed me the attached map. She said that if I couldn't figure out what it meant, then I should probably ask you.

Any Ideas?

Chowzen

Click To Enlarge

A correct answer will specifically identify the four points A B C D on the map as they pertain to the above letter.

As a bonus, you could suggest what a carefully worded response from Dear Old Dad would look like. :)

• The premise for this made me think of this gem (warning: non-PG language) – HTM Sep 16 '19 at 5:10

The route is indeed in Pennsylvania.
A: VIRGINVILLE
B: BLUE BALL
C: INTERCOURSE
D: CLIMAX
It would appear you're having trouble satisfying her in bed, due to your lack of sexual experience. A response might be Lickdale? Woodcock? There's a surprising amount of choice for Dear Old Dad here.

I can't finish it, but:

This is a route in Pennsylvania
(I recognized the Appalachian folds and the interstates between Altoona and Harrisburg)
I think:
D=Dayton (=Dating)
C=Lancaster (=???)
B=Ephrata (=afraid of)
A=Kutztown (=cuts town ??)

• Other relevant locations that could correspond to the markers are, in ABCD order, rot13(ivetvaivyyr, oyhr onyy, vagrepbhefr, evattbyq). – hdsdv Sep 16 '19 at 5:56
• @hdsdv - I didn't know there were so many funny names there, but those look a bit too far East to me (but I don't have map overlay) -- there's already a bad joke about going from rot13(vagrepbhefr gb pyvznk); would Chowzen go there? – amI Sep 16 '19 at 6:25
• Yeah - I was doing my best to line up "landmarks" but I'm not confident about any of them. I kind of zoomed in on the area that looked most correct and then looked for relevant names in the region. I'm not sure how to proceed from there. – hdsdv Sep 16 '19 at 6:34
• I looked at the map and I thought the markers were: rot13(ivetvaivyyr, oyhr onyy, vagrepbhefr, naq pyvznk) – JS1 Sep 16 '19 at 9:20
• "Can't finish?" my condolences. :) – Chowzen Sep 16 '19 at 11:21