# Go Pregnant or Go Home

A love story:

First, we met on the dance floor at this place playing loud music.
Soon after we were madly in love!
Before I knew it, we were engaged to be married.
Now, here I am in the backyard turning over soil for her garden instead of playing cards with my friends or enjoying the multitudes of brain-bending puzzles on my favorite website. Oh well, she's worth it.

Soon enough, of course, she peed on a plastic stick and it came back . We were so excited!

One day, after she had had a visit to her "special" doctor, I came home from work to find her sitting at my poker table with a big smile on her face.

I said, "Do you have any news?"

She nodded convulsively.

"When are we due, honey?"

That's when things got hairy.

"Well," she said, "seeing as how you spend every waking moment that you can on that damn Puzzling website or playing cards with your buddies instead of spending time with me, I've decided to torture you."

My smile lost some of its intensity. Through gritted yet still-smiling teeth I managed to ask, "Whatever do you mean, my little buttercup?"

"Don't give me any of that crap, Buster! I'm not telling you the due date until you figure out my own little puzzle. Once you solve the puzzle I have made here, then I will tell you our due date. To reemphasize, this puzzle has nothing to do with the due date, do you understand?"

I gulped and nodded.

Then she handed me a piece of paper which had this information on it:

• March 12, 2019
• June 18, 2019
• June 25, 2019
• September 10, 2019
• December 10, 2019

What is the answer to her puzzle?

• Sounds like homework help – Michael Fulton Mar 26 '19 at 15:59
• @MichaelFulton What kind of homework assignment could this possibly come from?! (Or is this r/woooosh?) – user45266 Mar 27 '19 at 4:33
• Chowzen's a regular and active contributer here, I'd be incredibly surprised if this turned out to be homework. Unless I too am missing an inside joke. – Phylyp Mar 27 '19 at 13:20
• @Phylyp I believe his wife is the "teacher" – Samy Bencherif Mar 29 '19 at 2:30

The introductory paragraph is a clue to

A pack of cards. The lines point towards CLUB, HEART, DIAMOND, SPADE. There are also a few other pointers (e.g. poker table)

As Arnaud has pointed out

The dates represent the 11th, 25th, 26th, 37th and 50th Tuesdays in 2019. Converting these numbers into cards (using the order of suits defined above) we get Jack of Clubs, Queen of Hearts, King of Hearts, Jack of Diamonds, Jack of Spades. As a poker hand this is Three of a Kind, so perhaps our couple are expecting triplets. The hand could also be taken as a representation of the family: King = dad, Queen = mum, 3 Jacks = 3 sons.

• If this isn't the answer I'm going to eat my hat – Erin B Mar 26 '19 at 14:25
• Go big or go home, even in pregnancy. I'm very glad that you continued your thoughts after rot13(guerr bs n xvaq), your second, familiar supposition was my intention. I'm ordering your green checkmark from Amazon.com, so it may take a little while before it gets here. :) – Chowzen Mar 26 '19 at 14:41

ESTER

Which I believe would mean that

Your wife has chosen a name for the baby.

For the reason that

The first of these Tuesdays is the 11th tuesday of the year; the second is the 25th, and so on resulting in the sequence: $$11\, 25\, 26\, 37\, 50$$ If you set $$1=A, 2=B,\ldots, 26=Z,\qquad 27=A, 28=B,\ldots$$ this gives the word $$KYZKX$$ which after a $$-6$$ Caesar shift gives $$ESTER$$.

• Wow! That would be a good puzzle in itself. +1. Unfortunately, it doesn't explain the beginning of the story. – Chowzen Mar 26 '19 at 13:52
• Jung vs gur onol jrer qhr ba Rnfgre? – user45266 Mar 27 '19 at 4:36
• @user45266 Thought about that too :) but the puzzle is not supposed to have anything to do with the due date. – Arnaud Mortier Mar 27 '19 at 9:56

It's a TWIN

as

All these days fall on Tuesdays.
Tuesday = 2's day.
So, she might me pointing that due date will be 2's day as she is having a twin.

• A valiant attempt, but there's more to it than that. The opening love story (above the horizontal rules) is not mere fluff; it's part of the puzzle. – Chowzen Mar 26 '19 at 12:47
• Everything before the horizontal rules is single spaced, but everything after is double spaced – kemp Mar 26 '19 at 14:00

Looking back at the events that have been mentioned in the story-line:

There are 5 major events mentioned, and 5 dates given to him by his wife. So, I would think those are the dates to those 5 events.

So,

First, we met on the dance floor at this place playing loud music. => March 12, 2019

Then,

Soon after we were madly in love! => June 18, 2019

Then,

Before I knew it, we were engaged to be married. => June 25, 2019

Then,

Now, here I am in the backyard turning over soil for her garden instead of playing cards with my friends or enjoying the multitudes of brain-bending puzzles on my favorite website. => September 10, 2019

Then,

The 5th date, that is the only one remaining, December 10, 2019 is the due date.

• Hmm...I like the thinking, but If the due date is just under 9 months after they first met and about 8 months after they fell in love....what I'm trying to say is, the baby usually takes about 9 months to be born. How did they not know that she had been pregnant the whole time? Did they....um....do something the night they first met? Things seem to be moving along quite quickly! – Brandon_J Mar 26 '19 at 13:03
• I was prompted to think in the same way, but even with that logic, I was having the same answer. – Dashamlav Mar 26 '19 at 13:07
• Maybe we should ask her mailman with upraised eyebrows? :) Great guess, but not quite on track. – Chowzen Mar 26 '19 at 13:23
• I just realized—This answer is invalid due to the (true) fact pointed out by the wife: "this puzzle has nothing to do with the due date, do you understand?" – Chowzen Mar 26 '19 at 13:29