A Chwistmas Widdle With a Twist

Chwistmas is the same with or without me, though I do wish you all Mewwy Chwistmas...

I wish to be wid of my condition

I am named and famed with humiliation

A small happy square wheel! That's my goal

And not mewely an empty hole,

Gweeted and weceived with dewision

What am I, what do I want to become, and why?

HINT 1:

W -> R

• Is "squawe" a typo?
– WAF
Commented Dec 26, 2018 at 7:01
• is that a joke? @WAF Commented Dec 26, 2018 at 7:24

CORRECT :) (Finally)

Are you

0 ?

Do you want to be

a small positive number >0

I wish to be wid of my condition,

Nothing?

I am named and famed with humiliation

You are something that means nothing

A small happy square wheel! That's my goal

a small happy square real? Coz no matter how you square 0, you end up with 0!
Or you want to look like this? "□" (Irrelevant)
according to OP: a small positive (happy) real number

And not mewely an empty hole,

? It's a hole (0)
and according to OP: Zero is the smallest non-negative Whole number (empty hole)

Gweeted and weceived with dewision

for being imaginary? (a dreamer?)
Zero is considered both real and imaginary, see this: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Imaginary_number

Hint 1:

W -> R and has implications of Whole Numbers -> Real Numbers (as suggested by OP in comment)

Note:

editing this as I came across this comment from a mod on another user's answer stating that we should delete old attempts...

• I think dewision is supposed to be derision
– Jafe
Commented Dec 26, 2018 at 8:14
• @TheSimpliFire hoping to finish it before 2019, how's it now? Commented Dec 31, 2018 at 11:58
• Finally yes!! Congrats for your continuing efforts :) Commented Dec 31, 2018 at 13:52
• Wow, never would have gotten this. I was sure it would be some word where you can replace a W with an R to get a more positive word :P Nice job!
– Jafe
Commented Dec 31, 2018 at 15:15
• @jafe Sorry, just seen your comment! Hint 1 says W -> R and it has implications of Whole Numbers -> Real Numbers.... guess I should have said R+ but that might have given it away... :) Commented Jan 15, 2019 at 11:20

What am I?

An Irish beard

What is my goal

to become a squirrel

Why?

Because squirrels aren't empty? and they kind of look like beards?

• Unfortunately it's not the answer. Good try though Commented Dec 31, 2018 at 9:27

I believe this relates to

Irish dances

You wish to be a

Reel, used in square dancing

Because you are a

Jig, which is the stereotypical Irish dance and and a tool used for holding other tools (which occupy the empty space or hole in the jig)

I'm unsure about the math tag, but I think the numbers

1, 49, or 100

Come into play since they are

the smallest square happy real numbers ( https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Happy_number )

• good guess, but what about the math tag? Commented Dec 31, 2018 at 6:05
• Edited in a weak guess! Commented Dec 31, 2018 at 6:48
• Close, in parts, but no :P Commented Dec 31, 2018 at 9:26

From HINT 1:

W -> R

Ch(r)istmas is the same (r)ith or (r)ithout me, though I do (r)ish you all Me(rr)y Ch(r)istmas...

I (r)ish to be (r)id of my condition
I am named and famed with humiliation
A small happy square (r)heel! That's my goal
And not me(r)ely an empty hole,
G(r)eeted and (r)eceived (r)ith de(r)ision

Resulting:

15 total w->(r)s converted: 7before spoiler, 8 w->(r)s in spoiler

Wordplay possible definition:

Irish: assumed to be Irish people, people of Irish ethnicity, people born in Ireland and people who hold Irish citizenship
rish: abbreviation for Irish and Celtic related peoples.
rid: make someone or something free of (an unwanted person or thing)
-(r)hell rheel merely: just; only greeted: past simple and past participle of greet:to welcome someone with particular words or a particular action, ..
received: generally accepted as being right or correct because it is based on authority..
rith: is a relay race organised in support of the Irish language.
rith: From Middle English rīth (“a small stream”), from Old English rīþ (“a small stream”).
derision: contemptuous ridicule or mockery.

Repeated from spoiler and before spoiler:

rish: abbreviation for Irish and Celtic related peoples.
and
rith: is a relay race organised in support of the Irish language.
rith: From Middle English rīth (“a small stream”), from Old English rīþ (“a small stream”).

I wish to be wid of my condition
I am named and famed with humiliation
A small happy square wheel! That's my goal
And not mewely an empty hole,
Gweeted and weceived with dewision

Resulting:

3 on -ending
1 al -ending
1 le -ending

Which ended up with:

onalle an Indian song(?) :P

What am I, what do I want to become, and why?

My first guess is you're an Irish who would like to be the one giving Christmas wish. Because whether you gave a wish or not it's all the same :P

Second guess that you're Indian which don't want to continue being a dancer, named and famed with humiliation (with some praise). You would like to have a child (to play the wheel), don't want to be lonely and sad. Because you would be mocked if you dance until old :P

• nice guess, but what about the math tag? +1 Commented Dec 31, 2018 at 12:53
• @OmegaKrypton not sure what to do at all about math tag :( best I could is getting M,O,S from the numbers. Commented Dec 31, 2018 at 13:17