Though I am small, hairy, and green
(And once was quite scary, obscene!),
Your wars can't defeat me.
You now want to eat me!
But don't let your friends intervene.

Hint:

What's the noun form of "intervene?"

up vote 4 down vote accepted

Are you

Marijuana?

Though I am small, hairy, and green

It’s a small, hairy-ish green leaf

(And once was quite scary, obscene!),

Marijuana is the Devil’s Lettuce, it was associated by society with evil

Your wars can't defeat me.

The War on Drugs, perhaps?

You now want to eat me!

With the advent of edible marijuana food items

But don't let your friends intervene.

Per @Chowzen’s hint, the noun form of intervene is intervention, which is what your friends might do if they think you have a marijuana/drug problem.

  • 1
    An entire riddle based on it, wow lol good answer as always! – PerpetualJ Oct 12 at 14:33
  • 1
    Oh wow, @Chowzen! That’s an old movie (and scarily full-length too!) How did you find out about it? – El-Guest Oct 12 at 14:51
  • 1
    When I was a teenager, it was a great old movie to watch after getting high. :O – Chowzen Oct 12 at 15:35
  • 1
    When I loaded this page just now, there were currently 420 views. :) – Chowzen Oct 12 at 15:40
  • 1
    This is currently the dankest puzzle on the interwebs! Congrats, @Chowzen! – El-Guest Oct 12 at 15:45

Are you

KIWI?

Though I am small, hairy, and green

Kiwi fruits are small, hairy, and green.

(And once was quite scary, obscene!),

Kiwi birds are small but evolved from larger scarier birds in the ostrich family

Your wars can't defeat me.

Kiwis are related to emus, so I’m making the obligatory Great Emu War reference (which the birds won).

You now want to eat me!

You eat kiwi fruit (and sometimes game birds such as ostrich)

But don't let your friends intervene.

The kiwi fruit is mine, all mine!

  • 2
    I never knew those were hairy! Or scary. +1, though! The last line will make more sense in relation to the intended answer. – Chowzen Oct 11 at 14:43

Are you a

Gooseberry?

Though I am small, hairy, and green

Just like the picture: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gooseberry

(And once was quite scary, obscene!),

?

Your wars can't defeat me.

Gooseberry is the name given to ships scuttled in d-day operations

You now want to eat me!

Sweet fruit - can be made into pies and jam

But don't let your friends intervene.

?

  • 1
    This would be funny if this was it, because the Chinese your answer is also known as my answer! +1 – El-Guest Oct 11 at 19:34
  • @El-Guest That would have been mortifying! Yet another fact I didn't know about these things. No, not the gooseberry. – Chowzen Oct 11 at 20:52

Are you

Gomphocarpus Physocarpus (Balloon Plant)

Though I am small, hairy, and green

The fruits of this plant are this

(And once was quite scary, obscene!),

Other names for this plant are The family jewels, Hairy Balls, etc.

Your wars can't defeat me.

It is an invasive species and are notoriously hard to completely get rid of.

You now want to eat me!

It is usually cultivated for Monarch Butterflies to eat as it is a type of milkweed.

But don't let your friends intervene.

Wasps pollinate them and can be a nuisance.

  • I love the stuff I inadvertently learn here on Puzzling.SE! Obscene, Indeed! Sadly, this is not the answer, but I'm tucking this information away for potential future use. :) – Chowzen Oct 11 at 20:58
  • A few of these are a stretch but its match was too close to pass up – IT Alex Oct 11 at 21:01

Are you a

booger

Though I am small, hairy, and green

small and green always, and sometimes nose-hairy

(And once was quite scary, obscene!),

scary because of boo-ger, some find it obscene to eat.

Your wars can't defeat me.

Doesn't matter how hard you try, some boogers just will not come out.

You now want to eat me!

You caught me red-handed there

But don't let your friends intervene.

You can pick your friends, you can pick your nose, but you can't pick your friend's nose

Title:

boogers are sometimes referred to as 'bears in the cave', or good little monsters.

  • 1
    +1 Wonderful! Hilarious! I thought for sure you were going for rot13(Lbh pna cvpx lbhe sevraqf, lbh pna cvpx lbhe abfr, ohg lbh pna'g cvpx lbhe sevraq'f abfr) for the intervention one. Sadly, not what I was going for, though you got the hint word right. What are those things usually in reference to? – Chowzen Oct 12 at 12:52
  • lol let me change that if I may – Cashbee Oct 12 at 12:59
  • Huh, this answer digs for gold. $(+1)$ :D – user477343 Oct 12 at 13:05

Are you...

Mold?

Though I am small, hairy, and green

Small – Mold is a fungus made of a group very small organisms together. Hairy – Mold often looks hairy or fuzzy. Green – Green is the classic color of mold.

(And once was quite scary, obscene!)

Certain kinds of mold are toxic, which is scary. (The only “obscene” mold I’m aware of has a different meaning. See the KISS song “Plaster Caster.”)

Your wars can't defeat me.

Wars don’t kill mold. In fact they often encourage its growth by creating the very conditions mold thrives in (ruins, wet waste, dead things).

You now want to eat me!

Penicillin is made from mold. And it was fairly recently discovered by Alexander Fleming in 1928. It is eaten in pill form to fight bacteria in your body. There’s also mold in some cheeses that people eat and enjoy like blue cheese and Roquefort.

But don't let your friends intervene.

I guess you don’t want your friends to try to stop you from eating penicillin if you are sick, or blue cheese if you enjoy it.

  • 1
    +1, not bad! I've added a hint, maybe that will help. – Chowzen Oct 12 at 2:30

I believe this could be referring to:

Carcinus Maenas; this little guy is known by several names: shore crab, and green shore crab being the most common. It is also referred to as green crab, European green crab, and European shore crab.

Though I am small, hairy, and green

Naturally it is green in color, and has tiny little hairs all over its body, you'll have to get quite close to see them. In size, the carapace isn't really the smallest, but can reach $4^{in}$ wide.

(And once was quite scary, obscene!),

This a very menacing species that is quite invasive in nature (actually listed in the 100 world's worst alien invasive species).

Your wars can't defeat me.

Various efforts have been made to prevent over population of the species to protect ecosystems.

You now want to eat me!

You can eat these little guys, and there is an active study on developing value-added green crab products at the University of Maine.

But don't let your friends intervene.

Typically, Callinectes sapidus and Cancer productus are introduced into thriving populations of C. maenas to help control it.

Good Little Monsters

This seems to be a reference to Meg Ryan's line in the restaurant scene of Joe Versus the Volcano in which she refers to the Dungeness Crab as little monsters, but they're good little monsters and then she smacks it with a mallet.

The Hint

The noun form of intervene is referee.


Some Other Likely Answers

Pilumnus hirtellus, Eriocheir sinensis

Your Answer

By clicking "Post Your Answer", you acknowledge that you have read our updated terms of service, privacy policy and cookie policy, and that your continued use of the website is subject to these policies.

Not the answer you're looking for? Browse other questions tagged or ask your own question.