8
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(1)

Once I and one more sneaky ass
Planned heist of a hideous mass.
- Let's steal all the (^-^)!
- Man, hold up your (^-^).
- (^-^). Then, let's steal all the grass!

(2)

- My man, you look boring and (^-^),
You have no chance of getting laid!
- Then help me! - he (^-^).
His (^-^) was an (^-^)
Of school where he learned to look great.

(3)

There once lived a negotiator,
That had a response to each hater:
- You ain't passed a (^-^)
Of becoming a (^-^),
Go (^-^) and I'll talk to you later.

(4)

An ice-cream merchant from Westbridge
Wants to exploit a Matrix glitch:
- If I could (^-^)
A single (^-^)
That kind of (^-^) would make me rich!

(5)

Right on the top (^-^) of little book (^-^)
I found an old story, which pages I (^-^):
The story was sad,
It's driven me mad,
A tale of a dwarf with no (^-^).

(6)

Once Gandalf's life wasn't so merry,
But now (^-^) man wants to marry!
I hope you can (^-^)
Him one certain (^-^) -
He'll (^-^) it for his wife to carry.

(7)

A joker found (^-^) at the peak,
The jokes he made (^-^) of were weak.
Devoted to (^-^),
He aimed to (^-^),
But none of the puns did the trick!

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  • $\begingroup$ Though the limericks have a common theme, they do not 'synergise' - all you have to do is complete them separately. $\endgroup$ – Thomas Blue Aug 22 '18 at 13:55
  • $\begingroup$ Also, please copy the whole verse if answering. That will make the answer more readable. $\endgroup$ – Thomas Blue Aug 22 '18 at 13:56
  • $\begingroup$ Do all of the (^-^) rhyme, or just the words at the end of the lines? $\endgroup$ – El-Guest Aug 22 '18 at 14:03
  • 2
    $\begingroup$ There once was a user named Thomas / Whose lim'rcks were quite far from flawless / With so many words gone / His best bet was a con / To finish his poems he called us! $\endgroup$ – Reibello Aug 23 '18 at 7:05
  • 2
    $\begingroup$ There once was a chap called @Reibello,/ Really quite an extraordinary fellow./ He paused to take time/ To construct comments in rhyme./ Ah, but if only Thomas was Yellow $\endgroup$ – Strawberry Aug 23 '18 at 8:49
7
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The pattern is

each answer gains/losses one letter.

1.

Once I and one more sneaky ass
Planned heist of a hideous mass.
- Let's steal all the reed!
- Man, hold up your greed.
- Agreed. Then, let's steal all the grass!

the pattern:

reed > greed > agreed

2.

My man, you look boring and staid,
You have no chance of getting laid!
Then help me! - he said.
His aid was an ad
Of school where he learned to look great.

the pattern:

staid > said > aid > ad

3.

There once lived a negotiator,
That had a response to each hater:
- You ain't passed a clout
Of becoming a lout,
Go out and I'll talk to you later.

the pattern:

clout > lout > out

4.

An ice-cream merchant from Westbridge
Wants to exploit a Matrix glitch:
- If I could clone
A single cone
That kind of con would make me rich!

the pattern:

clone > cone > con

5.

Right on the top storey of little book store
I found an old story, which pages I tore:
The story was sad,
It's driven me mad,
A tale of a dwarf with no ore.

the pattern:

storey > store > tore > ore

6.

Once Gandalf's life wasn't so merry,
But now boring man wants to marry!
I hope you can bring
Him one certain ring -
He'll rig it for his wife to carry.

the pattern:

boring > bring > ring > rig

7.

A joker found us at the peak,
The jokes he made use of were weak.
Devoted to muse,
He aimed to amuse,
But none of the puns did the trick!

the pattern:

us > use > muse > amuse

the title:

ts > its > itsy > bitsy (thanks @El-Guest!)

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  • 1
    $\begingroup$ Forgive my forgetfulness. The 1 and 7 use the opposite pattern. That's the only reason that you couldn't find them. $\endgroup$ – Thomas Blue Aug 23 '18 at 8:58
  • $\begingroup$ Also, solution of (3) is far from the one I had in mind. Might I say, the second word there means a good thing, not an insult. However, I'll accept it as is. $\endgroup$ – Thomas Blue Aug 23 '18 at 9:18
  • $\begingroup$ @ThomasBlue That confirms my doubt as I have to extend quite the glossary for the (3). I hate to admit that right now I’m stumped. The only thing I got is a guess to (7) and it’s flimsy at best. ROT13(hf > hfr > zhfr > nzhfr) Also, is this what you meant by ‘the opposite pattern’; (yrff gb zber vafgrnq bs zber gb yrff?) $\endgroup$ – Kevorobin Aug 23 '18 at 10:46
  • $\begingroup$ My apologies, I'm not a native speaker so I'm not too good with words. (7) is exactly the one you suggested (problem with ROT13(zhfr), I suppose? I wanted it to be a noun, like, a woman). "ad" is my try on singular form of "ads" I heard. $\endgroup$ – Thomas Blue Aug 23 '18 at 11:41
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    $\begingroup$ @Kevorobin, for the title you can go further to say r13(gf > vgf > vgfl > ovgfl)! Great finds for the limericks! :) $\endgroup$ – El-Guest Aug 23 '18 at 13:08
6
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Limerick 4:

An ice-cream merchant from Westbridge
Wants to exploit a Matrix glitch:
If I could but clone
A single small cone
That kind of scoop would make me rich!

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4
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Partial: (1)

Once I and one more sneaky ass
Planned heist of a hideous mass.
Let's steal all the race courses!
Man, hold up your horses.
Curse this! Then, let's steal all the grass!

(2)

There once lived a negotiator,
That had a response to each hater:
You ain't passed a test
Of becoming a pest,
Go rest and I'll talk to you later.

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  • $\begingroup$ Both are wrong, though the second one sounds even better than the correct answer. I might reveal the correct pattern after a couple of days; or you will put your finger on it having solved more. $\endgroup$ – Thomas Blue Aug 22 '18 at 15:38
4
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A guess for #1 (not sure on the second word):

Once I and one more sneaky ass
Planned heist of a hideous mass.
- Let's steal all the HAY!
- Man, hold up your PLAY.
- OKAY. Then, let's steal all the grass!

Alternatives I considered for PLAY include DAY, WAY, SLEIGH

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2
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(6)

Once Gandalf's life wasn't so merry,
But now (the old) man wants to marry!
I hope you can (bring)
Him one certain (ring)
He'll (need?) it for his wife to carry.

(7)

A joker found (out) at the peak,
The jokes he made (use) of were weak.
Devoted to (money)
He aimed to (be funny),
But none of the puns did the trick!

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0
$\begingroup$

I'm not too familiar with limericks, so it would be great if someone could tell me if I'm doing something obviously wrong.

My attempts:
(7)

A joker found (out) at the peak,
The jokes he made (fun) of were weak.
Devoted to (humor),
He aimed to (deliver),
But none of the puns did the trick!

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0
$\begingroup$

Partial For #1

Once I and one more sneaky ass
Planned heist of a hideous mass.
Let's steal all the gold!
Man, hold up your roll.
Cold. Then, let's steal all the grass!

For #7

A joker found rest at the peak,
The jokes he made jest of were weak.
Devoted to ease . He aimed to please,
But none of the puns did the trick!

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0
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Partial answer, I'll try to solve as time permits.

#2:

My man, you look boring and plain (could also be restrained, though this doesn't meet a traditional flow in syllables),
You have no chance of getting laid!
Then help me! - he exclaimed.
His (^-^) was an (^-^)
Of school where he learned to look great.

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  • $\begingroup$ I fancy 'staid' for this one $\endgroup$ – Strawberry Aug 22 '18 at 17:27
0
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3.

There once lived a negotiator,
That had a response to each hater:
- You ain't passed a test
Of becoming a best,
Go west and I'll talk to you later.

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  • 1
    $\begingroup$ I can put up with the fact that you didn't look for pattern. But you could at least try to make it rhyme! xD Anyways, still thanks for the input. $\endgroup$ – Thomas Blue Aug 22 '18 at 15:05
  • $\begingroup$ @ThomasBlue I fixed it. $\endgroup$ – hahaboki Aug 22 '18 at 15:22
  • $\begingroup$ @hakaboki No, not really. 'hater' would have to rhyme with 'test' which it doesn't. $\endgroup$ – Thomas Blue Aug 22 '18 at 15:35

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