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I talked with an employment counselor recently, and here are some of the findings:

  1. I'm amenable to stipulations in my contract regarding:
    • Confidentiality
    • Termination Clause
  2. I can be considered "vocal," but not suitable for speaking engagements.
  3. I think "IP" should be in my job description.
  4. I prefer a cordless mouse.
  5. I exclusively use a yellow highlighter.
  6. I have excellent eyesight; ironically, I often feel the need to rest my eyes.
  7. I'm sometimes thought to be picky about my food, but most people don't like it.
  8. Though I'm very athletic, I'm opposed to team sports.
  9. I bathe several times a day and hate showers.
  10. I'm told I show signs of indifference and neurotic behavior.

What job should I try to get?

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You should apply to be

A cat.

Explanation:

1. These stipulations are the sayings "Cat got your tongue" and "Curiosity killed the cat" (credit to Astralbee and Bishop).
2. Cats can meow a lot, but they haven't yet figured out how to speak (as far as we know).
3. Cats have been known to pee everywhere.
4. Cats prefer the kind of mouse that squeaks and has a tail.
5. Cats spray to mark their territory (credit to Astralbee).
6. Cats have great vision, but spend most of their time sleeping.
7. Cats are picky eaters, but people don't want to eat cat food either.
8. Cats are very athletic, but don't usually work together.
9. Cats like to bathe themselves.
10. Cats act indifferent and neurotic.
Title: Purr-fect pun (credit to HaveSpacesuit).

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  • 1
    $\begingroup$ 1a might be a reference to curiosity, synonymous with cats, and if you poke your nose into things at work they may insist on confidentiality. And 1b could be a pun on claws - "termination" possibly referring to clipping of a cats claws? Or the fact that cats claws are retractable? $\endgroup$ – Astralbee Jun 18 '18 at 15:18
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    $\begingroup$ and 5 may refer to tom cats spraying which they do to mark their territory. $\endgroup$ – Astralbee Jun 18 '18 at 15:19
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    $\begingroup$ #5 see @Astralbee. The "clause" lead to the termination of things? $\endgroup$ – Chowzen Jun 18 '18 at 15:28
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    $\begingroup$ I would say confidentiality references the idiom "cat's got your tongue" $\endgroup$ – Bishop Jun 18 '18 at 16:33
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    $\begingroup$ Pun in the title: Purrfectly reasonable... $\endgroup$ – HaveSpacesuit Jun 18 '18 at 20:43

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