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Part of the Fortnightly Topic Challenge #35: Restricted Title 1

  • This TV program has quite a diverse set of actors.

  • You're packed to go so soon?

  • There's nothing in the afterlife except darkness and complete silence.

  • Here, let me show what I got you for your birthday now.

  • Ughhhhh, my bracket's going to lose for sure. How was I supposed to know the 13th seed was going to beat the 4th seed?

  • Fatphobic people are so intolerant.

  • Most kids just look at a phone UI all day now, no one has a person to person conversation anymore!

  • The full book Gadsby is totally lipogrammatic, What an original vision.

  • Ulysses S. Grant won the war predominantly due to being more aggressive than the opposition.

  • Whiteboards are amazing!

  • Carve "Rest In Peace" into it, please.

  • The people here's addition skills suck; They're accidentally marking down the price by 25%!

  • Knowing calculus is really important for college.

  • The new iphone is so different! I can't wait to trade in my old one.

  • Most of systems programmings jobs is just looking stuff up on the web.

  • The person who used to be my brother works as a conductor.

  • The bowling ball hits all the pins down.

BTW, the final answer is one word, not three.

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3 Answers 3

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Community wikified my answer, and added the various puns from the other ones. To see which answer was from where, see noedne's and Riley's answers; the rest were from mine.

This TV program has quite a diverse set of actors.

Broadcast

You're packed to go so soon?

Already (All ready)

There's nothing in the afterlife except darkness and complete silence.

Death (Deaf)

Here, let me show what I got you for your birthday now.

Present

Ughhhhh, my bracket's going to lose for sure. How was I supposed to know the 13th seed was going to beat the 4th seed?

Upset

Fatphobic people are so intolerant.

Narrow-minded

Most kids just look at a phone UI all day now, no one has a person to person conversation anymore!

Interface

The full book Gadsby is totally lipogrammatic, What an original vision.

Novel

Ulysses S. Grant won the war predominantly due to being more aggressive than the opposition.

Generally (General Lee)

Whiteboards are amazing!

Remarkable

Carve "Rest In Peace" into it, please.

Engrave (In grave)

The people here's addition skills suck; They're accidentally marking down the price by 25%!

Discount

Knowing calculus is really important for college.

Integral

The new iphone is so different! I can't wait to trade in my old one.

Exchange (X-change)

Most of systems programmings jobs is just looking stuff up on the web.

Network

The person who used to be my brother works as a conductor.

Transistor (Trans sister)

The bowling ball hits all the pins down.

Strike

Final answer

Collecting the first letter from each solution, we get

BAD PUN INGREDIENTS

Which tells us to

anagram PUN INGREDIENTS

yielding, courtesy of ManyPinkHats,

SUPERINTENDING,

which is appropriate because

the puzzle is in amusing conflict with its title.

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  • $\begingroup$ I think there's probably a better answer on #3, since my guess doesn't really cover "darkness", and the two words don't sound exactly alike. $\endgroup$
    – Riley
    Jun 2, 2018 at 17:12
  • $\begingroup$ @Riley I’m about 94% certain that the darkness is just a clever way of expressing the first word in a way that combines nicely to the other word on the surface reading level. $\endgroup$
    – Bass
    Jun 2, 2018 at 17:28
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    $\begingroup$ Is your tran-sistor also a semi-conductor? $\endgroup$
    – DJohnM
    Jun 2, 2018 at 19:31
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    $\begingroup$ @noedne, the answer is a wiki, go ahead and add whatever seems to fit. I’ve already put in my best attempt given the information available, and there hasn’t been any more of that since, so any further effort seems like ”guess what I was thinking”, a game I’m not especially fond of. $\endgroup$
    – Bass
    Jun 12, 2018 at 17:40
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Partial (new):

Whiteboards are amazing!

Remarkable

The people here's addition skills suck; They're accidentally marking down the price by 25%!

Discounting

The new iphone is so different! I can't wait to trade in my old one.

Exchange (X change)

Most of systems programmings jobs is just looking stuff up on the web.

Networking

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There's nothing in the afterlife except darkness and complete silence.

Helen Keller / Hell in Keller Demise / Dim eyes? Death / Deaf?

Ughhhhh, my bracket's going to lose for sure. How was I supposed to know the 13th seed was going to beat the 4th seed?

Upset

Fatphobic people are so intolerant.

Small-minded Narrow-minded. Thanks @noedne

Most kids just look at a phone UI all day now, no one has a person to person conversation anymore!

Interface

The full book Gadsby is totally lipogrammatic, What an original vision.

Novel

Ulysses S. Grant won the war predominantly due to being more aggressive than the opposition

Generally / General Lee

Carve "Rest In Peace" into it, please.

Engrave / in grave

Final Answer:

Based on other answers, the first letters spell "bad pun ingredients" Thanks @noedne. But of course, the final answer is one word, not three. I suppose we must figure out what the bad pun ingredients are. I believe the answer is "Punkin". It is an ingredient and a bad pun.

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  • $\begingroup$ @noedne "Uryy va Xryyre" nf va "Uryy va (Uryra) Xryyre'f obql" $\endgroup$
    – Riley
    Jun 2, 2018 at 14:10
  • $\begingroup$ @noedne good call. The final answer would then be ”chavfurq”. Argh. :-) $\endgroup$
    – Bass
    Jun 2, 2018 at 14:48
  • $\begingroup$ @Bass Thank you, but I actually don't get it :) How is that an "vaterqvrag"? $\endgroup$
    – Riley
    Jun 2, 2018 at 14:51
  • $\begingroup$ @riley, it’s not what they are, it’s what you do to them. Either because they are bad, or because you want to make a pun. $\endgroup$
    – Bass
    Jun 2, 2018 at 15:01
  • $\begingroup$ @Bass I'm not entirely sure that you have the right final answer. Going with "vaterqvrag" I think it could be "chaxva". If you want to go with your idea, you could put it in your answer. $\endgroup$
    – Riley
    Jun 2, 2018 at 15:10

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