22
$\begingroup$

An entry in Fortnightly Topic Challenge #35: Restricted Title 1.

I Am Not Good with Boomerangs,
But things I throw out sometimes return.
I am Not a Ninja
But have expertise, and for speed I yearn.

I Don't Own a TV,
But I just added channels secure.
I Don't Want Directions,
I've already taken the tour.

I Know You're Listening,
I'm keeping track.
I Could Care Less
If you hate my quack.

What am I?

|improve this question
$\endgroup$
  • 3
    $\begingroup$ Ha, going all in with the FTC, with 6 titles :-) $\endgroup$ – Phylyp May 28 '18 at 12:02
  • 2
    $\begingroup$ @Phylyp Hoping there's an honorable mention for most xkcd titles. $\endgroup$ – noedne May 28 '18 at 12:07
  • 1
    $\begingroup$ Once my daily voting limit is over, there might be some good news for your reputation (I am currently seeing your rep at 9,995 :P) $\endgroup$ – Mr Pie Apr 30 at 7:44
19
$\begingroup$

I think you are

Stack Overflow

I Am Not Good with Boomerangs,
But things I throw out sometimes return.

When a question is close (for being off-topic or badly formulated) it can be re-open later if it's edited and fits better in the site

I am Not a Ninja
But have expertise, and for speed I yearn.

And you expect an answer as fast as possible

I Don't Own a TV,
But I just added channels secure.

The recent addition of the private channels

I Don't Want Directions,
I've already taken the tour.

An experienced user doesn't need to take the tour

I Know You're Listening,
I'm keeping track.

This refers to the annual survey

I Could Care Less
If you hate my quack.

This refers to the april fools Quack Overflow

|improve this answer
$\endgroup$
  • $\begingroup$ Think about the second to last clue a bit more :) $\endgroup$ – noedne May 28 '18 at 16:38
  • $\begingroup$ OK, I think I got it this time $\endgroup$ – Nank May 28 '18 at 16:43
  • $\begingroup$ I like that interpretation! I was going for views keeping track of who "listens" to the question, but your idea is nice, too. $\endgroup$ – noedne May 28 '18 at 16:47
  • $\begingroup$ Thanks for that riddle anyway, it seems that it's hard to get understood here :) $\endgroup$ – Nank May 28 '18 at 16:52
9
$\begingroup$

Maybe you're

ping

I Am Not Good with Boomerangs, But things I throw out sometimes return.

pings are sent to a remote server and sometimes they come back

I am Not a Ninja But have expertise, and for speed I yearn.

Everyone hopes for a fast ping

I Don't Own a TV, But I just added channels secure.

Maybe there didn't used to exist a way to ping SSL channels?

I Don't Want Directions, I've already taken the tour.

This isn't the trace route command; only the destination is important.

I Know You're Listening, I'm keeping track.

The ping command aggregates a set of pings and reports statistics when complete.

I Could Care Less If you hate my quack.

Perhaps a reference to "ping? pong!". Or maybe that "ack nack" sounds like a duck's quack?

|improve this answer
$\endgroup$
  • $\begingroup$ Interesting try! However, I think you missed the clues "[I] have expertise" and "I've already taken the tour," and two other clues you did not seem to be able to fit. Incorrect, but good attempt! :) $\endgroup$ – noedne May 28 '18 at 13:50
1
$\begingroup$

You might be a

College professor

I Am Not Good with Boomerangs, But things I throw out sometimes return.

Things teachers say in class might be repeated by students on exams or when called upon.

I am Not a Ninja But have expertise, and for speed I yearn.

Professors tend to be experts and want to cover the material quickly.

I Don't Own a TV, But I just added channels secure.

Many colleges now have online platforms, a relatively new development in academia.

I Don't Want Directions, I've already taken the tour.

Professors often already know the subject matter.

I Know You're Listening, I'm keeping track.

Professors might track attendance of who shows up (listens) to lectures.

I Could Care Less If you hate my quack.

Maybe because some professors don't care what students think of them?

|improve this answer
$\endgroup$
  • $\begingroup$ Welcome to Puzzling SE! +1 for a well-written and interesting alternative answer. $\endgroup$ – noedne May 29 '18 at 9:45

Your Answer

By clicking “Post Your Answer”, you agree to our terms of service, privacy policy and cookie policy

Not the answer you're looking for? Browse other questions tagged or ask your own question.