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My bark is worse than a bite from me.
Cleopatra has nothing to do with me!

Some say I'm from Germany, maybe they know.
Some say I'm from England, A+ if it's so.

Some say that I'm crapulous, a literal shame.
Look thrice to the heavens and tell me my name.

Hint

I am the lesser (and the greater) of two evils.

Hint #2

I am neither a historic, giant adversary, nor am I a rhinoceros. Or am i?

Hint #3

This puzzle was created under Puzzling License # LMW-28IF

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  • $\begingroup$ the last sentence tells me that this thing is some sort of deity or they're dead... that's my only guess i can't see much else lol $\endgroup$ – L_Church May 10 '18 at 15:08
  • $\begingroup$ I tried, I can't get anywhere with this. The two middle lines have baffled me. $\endgroup$ – L_Church May 10 '18 at 15:34
  • $\begingroup$ I'm trying to formulate an answer with rot13(terlubhaq), is it related? $\endgroup$ – Gustavo Gabriel May 11 '18 at 13:30
  • $\begingroup$ @GustavoGabriel terlubhaq + the wrong tree = bark. :) $\endgroup$ – Chowzen May 11 '18 at 13:49
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I'm riding on the coattails of Mick O'Hea here. You are ...

... a beetle.

My bark is worse than a bite from me.

An allusion to bark beetles. Some beetles bite, but their bite isn't dangerous.

Cleopatra has nothing to do with me!

Beetles are of the order Coleoptera, which sounds like – but has nothing to do with – Cleopatra.

Some say I'm from Germany, maybe they know.

The Volkswagen Beetle is a classic car from Germany.

Some say I'm from England, A+ if it's so.

The Beatles are from England. The "A+" indicates that they are written with an a, I guess.

Some say that I'm crapulous, a literal shame.

An allusion to dung beeltes. "Crapulous" is related to drink, though, not to crap, and it's a "literal shame" to confuse the two (OP).

Look thrice to the heavens and tell me my name.

In a film from 1988, the ghost Betelgeuse can be summoned by calling his name three times. The name sounds like Beetlejuice, which is also the name of the film (OP).

Hint: I am the lesser (and the greater) of two evils.

A pun on "the lesser and the greater of two weevils" (from OP).

Hint #2: I am neither a historic, giant adversary, nor am I a rhinoceros. Or am i?

No, you are not, but there are Goliath beetles and rhinoceros beetles.

Hint #3: This puzzle was created under Puzzling License # LMW-28IF

Mick O'Hea found out that this is the licence number of a VW Beetle on the cover of The Beatles' Abbey Road album.

Title: I could tell you some war stories

Beeltle Bailey is a long-running cartoon about life in an army camp (OP).

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  • $\begingroup$ +1 for a) Giving @MickO'Hea a chance to revise, and b) Answering correctly, eventually, anyways! I'll give it a little while before ☑ing the ☑. $\endgroup$ – Chowzen May 18 '18 at 10:29
  • $\begingroup$ As for the last lines and hints that you weren't sure of: rot13 (Vg'f n "yvgreny" funzr gung fbzr crbcyr jbhyq hfr "penchybhf" va qrfpevovat n qhat orrgyr. Urnirayl obql:Orgrytrhfr, Va na 80'f zbivr, gurl fnvq 3 × "OrrgyrWhvpr!" Byq wbxr: [gjb jrrivyf](uggcf://jjj.lbhghor.pbz/jngpu?i=r4CmckBw5Pp). Gvgyr: [Orrgyr Onvyrl](uggcf://ra.jvxvcrqvn.bet/jvxv/Orrgyr_Onvyrl) pnegbba fgevc.) $\endgroup$ – Chowzen May 18 '18 at 10:39
  • $\begingroup$ Haha! Well done! I wouldn't have got it, I was looking too deep $\endgroup$ – Mohirl May 21 '18 at 9:53
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Could you be...

Superman? I don't have an answer for every line, but I'm not a comic geek.

I could tell you some war stories

War of the worlds?

Cleopatra has nothing to do with me!

Cleopatra is in the Marvel Universe, while Superman is in DC.

Some say I'm from Germany, maybe they know.

Übermensch, literally German for Superman.

Look thrice into the heavens and tell me my name.

It's a bird! It's a plane! No, it's Superman!

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  • 1
    $\begingroup$ For the first line: he owns a dog named Krypto (dunno how well that fits, though). $\endgroup$ – F1Krazy May 10 '18 at 15:22
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    $\begingroup$ I was wondering what Cleopatra had (not) to do with it... I'm not big into comics either. I believe that the correct answer will be more convincing as it pertains to each line. $\endgroup$ – Chowzen May 10 '18 at 15:24
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    $\begingroup$ @Chowzen It fit the last line so well, I thought it must be it. Oh well :) $\endgroup$ – Riley May 10 '18 at 15:27
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Partial answers (mainly for the hints)

I've a gut feeling it's something to do with some kind of

weapon, possibly a tank, probably from WWII. The war stories, Germany and England references, hint this way. Bark worse than bite implies something loud but not very deadly. Cleopatra suggests Asp or Needle.

Hint 2

Goliath and Rhino both sound like good tank names. I can't find anything that specifically matches - there was a WWII APC called a Rhino and a German tracked vehicle called a Goliath. So maybe something in the same family?

Hint 3

Apparently LMW 28IF is the license plate on a Volkswagen Beetle on the Beatles Abbey Road album cover. So again, a German vehicle

But I can't put it all together

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    $\begingroup$ These are excellent thoughts. There are bark and dung beetles; the VW Beetle is from Germany; the Beatles ("A+") are from England. And if you search for "Cleopatra beetle", Google's autocorrect may have a surprise in store for you. :) $\endgroup$ – M Oehm May 16 '18 at 18:00

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