Hello to all my friends! And hello also to everyone in America,
England, India, and—well, and everywhere else where English (and http)
is spoken! If you don't know me yet, my name is Rubio, a Moderator
serving Puzzling with Gareth McCaughan, GentlePurpleRain, and Deusovi.
Right now I want to invite you (yes ....you!) to try to solve this evil
invention of mine, which nearly killed my illustrious testing team of
solvers (and gave my father a migraine)! So prepare yourself to
experience a puzzle that's (almost literally) to die for. You have to
name me. Yup, to solve this, just give my first and last name, that's all!
What is my name?