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Your final answer will respond to the question "Why don't I like Twitter that much?"

Like usual, I'll confirm any sub-answers if you find them

enter image description here

Here's the link to the puzzle on Twitter.

Here's the text of the puzzle:

🐾❄🥅#📌♠💦
255879⠗⠕⠞⠼⠁⠊⠉:⠺⠠⠰⠶⠮∞WᒧO3>H∽UO)
Z⊢せம佛أر➪ᓭܜ⚡ﺪトΛíĆẸİĿMṈOṖ$ŦŪVYA
hot new vow⊔N⌶ⅽ✜ዐᛊfirsts🐌🌮🚇✒🔑
🛑🐣➖💅☄📂🎹🎩V𝙸२-ƧΞ⊕ꘜ⊞।
Ʌ𝟾⎕META:…|#/|@…:@**¢#1¢1:/

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  • 4
    $\begingroup$ Bounties should be available for both questions and answers. $\endgroup$ – wizzwizz4 Aug 13 '17 at 11:10
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    $\begingroup$ @wizzwizz4 - puzzling.meta.stackexchange.com/q/4862/25966 $\endgroup$ – Mithrandir Aug 13 '17 at 12:29
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    $\begingroup$ We need to get this to 140 upvotes. $\endgroup$ – Beastly Gerbil Aug 13 '17 at 12:46
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    $\begingroup$ Actually, with newlines, it is 144 chars. $\endgroup$ – NH. Aug 13 '17 at 23:55
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    $\begingroup$ Please do a writeup! $\endgroup$ – noneuclideanisms Aug 21 '17 at 4:29
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NOTE: If you upvote this, please upvote the puzzle itself too! It took far more effort to make than my solution did.

🐾❄🥅#📌♠💦255879

This is a word square:
PAW
ICE
NET
Extract the letters in the positions 2, 5, 5, 8, 7, 9 on a phone keypad to get ACCENT.

⠗⠕⠞⠼⠁⠊⠉:⠺⠠⠰⠶⠮

The first part (before the colon) says "ROT193".
Logically, that's ROT180 + ROT13.
So, do that to everything after the colon - flip it upside down (rot180), decode as Braille, then rot13 it to get ATONE.

∞WᒧO3>H∽UO)Z⊢

Turn your head sideways - it reads as "BELOW VISCOUNT", and the rank below Viscount is BARON.

せம佛أر➪ᓭܜ⚡ﺪトΛí

Start with the section left of the arrow. Those are characters from various languages: SE, MA, PHO, and RE. So we interpret the things right of the arrow as flag semaphore to get COLOGNE.

ĆẸİĿMṈOṖ\$ŦŪVY

You can rearrange these to get ĆOṈ$ŪMṖŦİVẸĿY. The accents there are Morse code for TORI, and "Tori, consumptively" is a crossword clue (though oddly phrased) for DONUTS.

A hot new vow

This is just a cryptic clue for OATH. (Thanks, Sp3000!)

⊔N⌶ⅽ✜ዐᛊfirsts

This says "Unicode firsts", but in a weird way. Take the characters that make up "Unicode", look them up in Unicode, and take the first letters of the official names to get SLASHER.

🐌🌮🚇✒🔑🛑🐣➖💅☄📂🎹🎩

This is simply a rebus.
Before the minus sign we have SNAIL TACO METRO PEN KEY STOP HATCH. After, we have NAIL COMET OPEN KEYS TOP HAT. Removing the latter from the former gives us S[nail]TA[comet]R[open][keys][tophat]CH, or STARCH.

V𝙸२-ƧΞ⊕ꘜ⊞।Ʌ𝟾⎕

The middle symbol (that looks like a circled plus sign) means "exclusive or" - basically, overlap and remove anything that's black in both symbols. Do that to the six symbols on either side and you get the word THRASH.

META:…|#/|@…:@**¢#1¢1:/

All the words are made up of a punctuation mark with two letters inserted (or on the sides). For instance, COLO(g)N(e) --> COLON and (t)H(r)ASH --> HASH. Those punctuation marks appear twice each in the text after "META:". Replace the two occurrences with the two extra letters, in order.
enter image description here
You don't like Twitter because it has NOT ENOUGH CHARACTER!

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  • 7
    $\begingroup$ Off the scale!! $\endgroup$ – Strawberry Aug 11 '17 at 14:46
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    $\begingroup$ Where is that +10 button? $\endgroup$ – xhienne Aug 11 '17 at 18:22
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    $\begingroup$ I wish I could watch a recording of your train of thought solving this. $\endgroup$ – Jack M Aug 12 '17 at 17:44

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