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Let me tell you a story, all about me.

I started triumphantly, showing signs of victory. Though the nameless masses of Internet troublemakers identified with me at first, and even here a recent post has accused me of initially supporting a blood feud, remember — I'm not a crook. When I think back on how my life began, it makes me feel like I'm five all over again!

What next can I tell you about myself? Nothing.

Well ok that's hardly fair; I've only told you half my story. How this next part goes depends on who you are. If you're a steak-and-potatoes person I might've had a bone to pick with you; but if you're a tea-and-crumpets sort, we'd have gotten along just fine. I lifted spirits with skiers at the bar and helped many get their work squared away. Yes, at this part of my life I was very popular; you probably saw lots of folks wearing my shirts.

But as with all things, my story too has its conclusion, and though I try not to think about it, warn you I must, so that you can avoid following my path to ruin! Alas, I must admit it is too painful to think about all this, so I am not actually going to say how my saga wraps up — I find that I grow anxious just thinking about how crazy things can turn out, right as you think all is going smoothly! From good luck to ill tidings in an instant, so it was with my story at its last. Though I can only hint at what calamity brought about this sad finish, I think you, my companions in sorrow, can quickly work out this thing which I wish to warn you of, but cannot put into words for you.

Now that I have told you all about me,
What is the meaning of my story?

Solve my clues! Don't hesitate!
Or you'll find that it's too late!

Hint

The answer is a single, four letter word.

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  • $\begingroup$ your Story about "Nothing"? $\endgroup$ – CR241 May 22 '17 at 16:42
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The answer is

VOTE

I started triumphantly, showing signs of victory. Though the nameless masses of Internet troublemakers identified with me at first, and even here a recent post has accused me of initially supporting a blood feud, remember — I'm not a crook. When I think back on how my life began, it makes me feel like I'm five all over again!

- A sign of victory looks like a V;
- Anonymous identified with the Guy Fawkes mask, from V for Vendetta;
- "I'm not a crook" is a reference to Nixon, who frequently did the double V-sign;
- "feel like I'm five" refers to the Roman numeral V

What next can I tell you about myself? Nothing

Nothing is 0, which looks like O

Well ok that's hardly fair; I've only told you half my story. How this next part goes depends on who you are. If you're a steak-and-potatoes person I might've had a bone to pick with you; but if you're a tea-and-crumpets sort, we'd have gotten along just fine. I lifted spirits with skiers at the bar and helped many get their work squared away. Yes, at this part of my life I was very popular; you probably saw lots of folks wearing my shirts.

- Steak-and-potatoes relates to T-bone;
- Tea sounds like T;
- A type of ski lift is called a T-bar;
- There exists a work tool called a T-square;
- Lots of folks wear T-shirts.

But as with all things, my story too has its conclusion, and though I try not to think about it, warn you I must, so that you can avoid following my path to ruin! Alas, I must admit it is too painful to think about all this, so I am not actually going to say how my saga wraps up — I find that I grow anxious just thinking about how crazy things can turn out, right as you think all is going smoothly! From good luck to ill tidings in an instant, so it was with my story at its last. Though I can only hint at what calamity brought about this sad finish, I think you, my companions in sorrow, can quickly work out this thing which I wish to warn you of, but cannot put into words for you.

The letter "E" is ruined, as it does not appear in this paragraph at all.

The title, as well as this whole puzzle, is a reference to

The (at the time) ongoing Puzzling 2017 Moderator Election. Congrats on your new shiny diamond, Rubio!

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  • $\begingroup$ I voted +1 for this answer. :) Nice job! $\endgroup$ – Rubio May 23 '17 at 1:35
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I think this story might be about

Guy Fawkes

Though the nameless masses of Internet troublemakers identified with me at first,

Referring to Anonymous, who is often portrayed by a Guy Fawkes Mask

even here a recent post has accused me of initially supporting a blood feud,

V for Vendetta - Who am I?

it makes me feel like I'm five all over again!

Maybe Roman Numeral V, representing V from V for Vendetta? Who wore a Guy Fawkes mask

If you're a steak-and-potatoes person I might've had a bone to pick with you; but if you're a tea-and-crumpets sort, we'd have gotten along just fine

As I recall, Guy Fawkes was a supporter of Nobility over Commoners, and of Catholicism over Anglicanism...

and though I try not to think about it, warn you I must, so that you can avoid following after my path to ruin

Was caught in large part because he warned people he was about to blow up

I find myself growing anxious just thinking about how crazy things can turn out, right as you think all is going smoothly! From good luck to ill tidings in an instant, so it was with my story at its last.

Thought everything was going according to plan, up until the moment he was captured.

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  • $\begingroup$ You have a couple of the clues correctly solves but have drawn an entirely wrong conclusion. The meaning of the story is far less about what the text seems to say, and far more about how it says it. $\endgroup$ – Rubio May 22 '17 at 19:25

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