# A Puzzle Where Trackers Are Truthless

I was on a trip and had just got a new phone. I had to get up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom and didn't bother to turn on the light. As I was sitting, my phone rang almost giving me a seizure. I answered immediately but there was no one there. No caller id. Odd. I hadn't given anyone my new number.

Near Granite Hall I stopped to watch my old friend Alvin who was doing his Elvis impersonation in Forsyth Park. While I was watching, someone goosed me! I glanced quickly over my shoulder and saw an attractive young woman. Surely she hadn't... it happened again! I turned around and was about to say something when it happened a third time and I realized it was my phone again. I had put it on vibrate and stuffed it in my back pocket. No one on the line and no caller id.

In Granite Hall I delivered the talk that was the point of the trip. Afterward, I paused to speak to David Lord who was one of the sponsors. DRING DRING DRING DRING! I cut David short. DRING DRING DRING! I fumbled the phone to my ear. Nothing.

At my hotel I plugged in my phone to charge and took a shower. Naturally, I had just stepped in when the phone rang. DRING DRING DRING! Oh, man! DRING DRING DRING! I will kill you for this! DRING DRING DRING! I leapt for the phone: silence.

But wait, I told that out of order. What is the correct order?

Bonus: who am I?

Clarification: reordering goes by paragraph. I have removed the misleading "again" in the final sentence of a couple of paragraphs. It was meant in the context of "telling in the wrong order" but I can see now it was a bad idea.

Hint:

None of the incidents are in the correct position. And I changed the title. :-)

Kudos to Gareth McCaughan who solved this puzzle in spite of a series of errors on my part. In his honor I present:

The (spoilerish) story of my big stack of blank sheets of paper.

This happened in the place with a larger entrance where Lamont Cranston and Kent Allard trade tall tales.

DRING! I decided to draw parallel lines on each sheet. DRING! I thought I lost them but after a quick search they turned up.

DRING! I took them to my unlit, windowless basement and made a book out of them!

As I said, this happened in the place with a larger entrance where Lamont Cranston and Kent Allard trade tall tales.

• ... what does goosed mean? Commented Mar 30, 2017 at 11:34
• @WeckarE. "Turned into a goose", obviously. Commented Mar 30, 2017 at 11:50
• @WeckarE. "Goosed" means pinched on the part of your body that you sit on. Commented Mar 30, 2017 at 12:44
• @Weckar Why Boston? The place that stands out to me is Savannah, Georgia, where there is a slightly-famous Granite Hall and a Forsyth Park near to it. (Granite Hall is where Jim Williams from "Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil" lived.) Commented Mar 30, 2017 at 13:10
• It turns out to be a lot longer ago than 1893. Commented Mar 30, 2017 at 23:15

Oh, Hugh, you are so going to hell for this.

(Apologies if the boldface below is a little too spoilery.)

Near Granite Hall I stopped to watch my old friend Alvin who was doing his Elvis impersonation in Forsyth Park. While I was watching, someone goosed me! I glanced quickly over my shoulder and saw an attractive young woman. Surely she hadn't... it happened again! I turned around and was about to say something when it happened a third time and I realized it was my phone again. I had put it on vibrate and stuffed it in my back pocket. No one on the line and no caller id.

Three rings for the Alvin Kings under the sky.

In Granite Hall I delivered the talk that was the point of the trip. Afterward, I paused to speak to David Lord who was one of the sponsors. DRING DRING DRING DRING! I cut David short. DRING DRING DRING! I fumbled the phone to my ear. Nothing.

Seven (rings) for the Dwarf-lords in their halls of stone.

At my hotel I plugged in my phone to charge and took a shower. Naturally, I had just stepped in when the phone rang. DRING DRING DRING! Oh, man! DRING DRING DRING! I will kill you for this! DRING DRING DRING! I leapt for the phone: silence.

Nine rings for mortal men, doomed to die.

I was on a trip and had just got a new phone. I had to get up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom and didn't bother to turn on the light. As I was sitting, my phone rang almost giving me a seizure. I answered immediately but there was no one there. No caller id. Odd. I hadn't given anyone my new number.

One (ring) for the Dark Lord on his dark throne.

And evidently you are

the Dark Lord. Eeeeek!

Oh, the title.

The ordering above doesn't appear to be consistent with what the hint says, but I don't see any possible way that it isn't the right ordering. What's true is that the third paragraph has the correct predecessor and successor.

[EDITED to add:] Since Hugh has kindly added a coda to his puzzle, here is a brief explanation of it for anyone who might still be in, er, the dark.

... In the land of More Door where the Shadows lie.
One ring to rule them all,
One ring to find them,
One ring to bring them all
and in the darkness bind them,
In the land of More Door where the Shadows lie.

• The answer is right and you are probably right about me as well. Can't believe I messed up the hint. Argh! Believe me, my expression is a sour one. Congratulations! Commented Mar 31, 2017 at 4:10
• Thanks. In case it isn't obvious, I thought this puzzle was hilarious. Commented Mar 31, 2017 at 9:47
• Glad you enjoyed. I added a belated Easter egg in your honor. Commented Apr 26, 2017 at 19:23
• I enjoyed the addendum too. Shall I add an explanation of it to my answer? Commented Apr 26, 2017 at 22:30
• Might as well, though it's not like anyone who read the rest of the answer is going to need it. Done. Commented Apr 26, 2017 at 22:32