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Music to go along! The riddle is in the Film Noir style in the voice of a gruff PI. Read it aloud with the music for extra fun!

I sweated through my shirt waiting for a wrench jockey when a looker I had dealings with came through the door. She didn't seem phased by the heat or the smell. She was worried about some trouble with her sister; aparently, calling the ditzy dame half baked would be generous, but she was family. I was hired to keep an eye out. The doc said my heart wasn't doing good, but this was a case I had to take. Her skin was like milk with freckles in all the right places; the picture did her no justice. An old PI like me has seen everything, but the chunky dish made my mouth water. I went up to her to introduce myself expecting a warm bowl of duck soup, but she was colder than the ice around her neck. I got a bit steamed by the whole thing, so I went to the bar for some water. My kidneys were already failing and their brand of eel juice wasn't my poison. When I turned back, she vanished before my eyes without a trace. Turns out she'd been chilled off. All the bulls found for the meat wagon was her bag, a few fresh cookies sitting at the bottom. I was fortunately able to snag them; a man's gotta get paid. The crime remains unsolved.

Who was the victim and how did she die?

Hint 1:

I was off on an ing bing when the ice queen vanished. Hop in your iron and get the perp in stir.

Hint 2:

Listen up, you clammed coppers, you bunch of corn drinkin' cats! It's gonna hit like chin music when you pull of your cheaters and look. The chick wasn't chippy, but what she left behind was.

Hint 3:

Hint one is okay, but hint two is useful for multiple reasons.

Hint 4:

It aint nose candy that's killing him, but it looks a lot like it... And Janes like her are full of it.

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3 Answers 3

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All right I'll take a stab. She is:

Vanilla ice cream with cookie dough chunks.

She was killed by:

Being put in the oven. She melted and the cookies baked.

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  • $\begingroup$ This makes sense... especially after the edit to the original post of 'fair skin' to 'Her skin was like milk' lol! $\endgroup$
    – Leo
    Nov 19, 2014 at 20:50
  • $\begingroup$ The victim's sister, half baked, is a Ben & Jerry's ice cream flavor, a more complex variation of Cookie Dough, one of the most popular flavors in America. It also refers to the half of the victim's substance that goes in the oven. Her milky skin and freckles are the ice cream and chocolate chips. Getting steamed is another milk reference. The bit about booze not being his poison refers to his medical condition, extreme, untreated diabetes, further evidenced by the medical issues and his snatching up the cookies. She wasn't put in the oven, but the heat wave outside was enough to melt her. $\endgroup$
    – Travis Don Kindred
    Nov 19, 2014 at 21:18
  • $\begingroup$ Ah I got confused. I thought it meant the victim was half-baked. I considered the Ben and Jerry's flavor, but since it has chocolate ice cream it didn't fit the fair skin. I considered her just melting, but "fresh cookies" sounded like they were baked, and I didn't think the heat wave would bake them. Too literal, I suppose. =) Good riddle! $\endgroup$
    – Johanna Belanger
    Nov 19, 2014 at 21:57
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Ok, since no one has answered this I am giving it a shot with my theory. If it is not correct, I think it should at least help with some of the interpretation.

She is ...

a beer

and she was killed by ...

getting spilled/dropped.

Here is my explanation:

Roughly the first half is meant to throw you off and think the victim is a person. From "I went up to her ..." and forward it is talking about the beer.

"I went up to her to introduce myself expecting a warm bowl of duck soup, but she was colder than the ice around her neck."

Translation: I thought it would be easy to drink but it was freezing cold, colder than the ice forming around the neck of the bottle.

"I got a bit steamed by the whole thing, so I went to the bar for some water. My kidneys were already failing and their brand of eel juice wasn't my poison."

Translation: I got upset about it so went to get some liquor to warm up, they didn't carry my drink of choice, however.

"When I turned back, she vanished before my eyes without a trace. Turns out she'd been chilled off."

Translation: I looked back to see it being dropped/spilled.

"All the bulls found for the meat wagon was her bag, a few fresh cookies sitting at the bottom. I was fortunately able to snag them; a man's gotta get paid."

Translation: All that was left of her 'body' was the container. I'll admit, the "cookies" throw me off a bit.

Hint 1

Translation: I was on a drinking binge when the beer was dropped. Use your stirring rod if you want to find the true perpetrator, alcohol, which caused the clumsiness that lead to a spill.

Hint 2

Translation: Listen, you whiskey drinkers, this is going to cause some discussion (chin music) when you lower your sunglasses/glasses to see what happened. I.E. its not really a big deal since it will only cause some light discussion. The beer was not chippy (strong) but the glass left behind is chippy (actually chipped/broken).

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  • $\begingroup$ This is good. I was just pondering this type of interpretation - maybe this is the one! $\endgroup$
    – TylerW
    Nov 19, 2014 at 15:01
  • $\begingroup$ Close, but no cigar. It is a type of food/drink. You're right that chippy is a double entendre (good job), but it's a different meaning than you thought. Think about the PI's medical problems. $\endgroup$
    – Travis Don Kindred
    Nov 19, 2014 at 15:06
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Idk why, but I think she's a

a chip

Killed by:

an iron

ALT:

Killed by a Iron, It was Mais con yelo (corn with ice and milk)

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  • $\begingroup$ If you look at other narrative riddles by me, you'll notice that I'll often try to keep these as dense as possible. You can usually find good reasoning to back up your thinking if you try. Give another the attempt, but do so looking for every sentence to have at least one meaning and try to figure the pieces out. $\endgroup$
    – Travis Don Kindred
    Mar 2, 2016 at 5:36

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