Samson stood at a crossroads, wondering, not for the first time, why he crawled through the back of his washing mashine into a parallel universe.
The Dubious Dog floated lazily above his head, teasing him; 'you look a bit lost, don't you?'
'I've been walking for five hours and I keep coming to this same set of crossroads. I'm not lost, I know exactly where I am. The exact. same. bloody. crossroads. I'd appreciate some help here.'
'Well, have you even read the sign?'
'It doesn't help!'
'I'm sure it'll tell you where to go, if only you knew what it was saying...'
The Dubious Dog began to disappear, limb by limb, body, face, until only its wagging tongue remained - and then it, too, became nothing more than an illusion in the passing clouds.
'Great.' Samson sighed and looked at the sign again. On the post, there was this shape:
The signpost also informs him which road goes NE, SE, SW, and NW. The street signs are a bit less clear in their meaning:
1: Notes, e.g. soup
2: Twisted sap snake
3: Sounds like a digit feasted!
4: Golf begins the eternal earthquake
5: Double in a hot winter
1: Regular impact ground covering
2: Harvard psychology test in psychiatry
3: Waters back a soup
4: Seized inside a large whale
5: Round writing implement is exposed
Samson, who decided that the situation was wacky enough already, decided to address the reader in a plea for help: 'Which way should I walk to escape the crossroads?
EDIT: Edit to SIDEWALK 2 for specificity