An entry in the Fortnightly Topic Challenge #22: Animals ...

The Secret Order of Animal Watchers

  It's midnight. After a long stretch of unusual tossing and turning, you've finally gotten to sleep when the harsh ring of the telephone jostles you awake again. Muttering to yourself, you fumble for and answer the phone.

  Immediately, any thoughts of going back to sleep vanish from your mind. It's your odd Uncle Elroy, and he sounds terrified! As solid and unflappable a fellow you could ever meet, Uncle Elroy is; anything that could send him into a panic, must be big.

  Uncle Elroy asks you to meet him at his home, right away. You ask him what's going on but he says he can only tell you in person, and that it's very important that you come quickly, and that you come alone. More than that he won't say, no matter how much you ask. So, resigned, you say a hasty goodbye and get ready to go.

  You arrive at Uncle Elroy's a short time later. An older, moderately run-down place at the end of a dark and lonely road, Uncle Elroy's house isn't the most inviting at the best of times; at this time of night, and under these circumstances, it's unnerving. And as you reach the front door, the peculiar emblem that has been on it for as long as you can remember does nothing to set you at ease ...

                      image from http://www.dragoart.com/tuts/9989/1/1/how-to-draw-all-seeing-eye,-all-seeing-eye.htm

  You knock and Uncle Elroy silently opens the door, takes a hasty look around, and pulls you inside before quickly closing the door again behind you.
  "Are you alone?" he asks.
  You nod quickly and ask, "Uncle Elroy, you've got me scared half to death. What is going on?!"
  Uncle Elroy sighs, a long deep sigh. "Okay, I've dragged you out of bed and into this mess, I owe you an explanation. But this is important—you can't tell anyone what I've told you, or showed you, here tonight. No matter what! Agreed?"
  "Sure, whatever, anything you say—just tell me what's going on!"

  And with that, Uncle Elroy launches into a tale about a secret society of which, unbeknownst to you, he has been a member since he was in his teens: The Secret Order of Animal Watchers. He tells you that the Order was founded some 85 years or so ago to keep an eye on strange happenings in the world of animals. And then he tells you about his role in the Order - he has been one of its Recorders for the last 15 years, keeping notes in its official Journal as instructed by the Chief Recorder.

  "But tonight... tonight!" he goes on, his face suddenly ashen and his voice anguished. "Murder! Betrayal! Skulduggery! Tonight, one of our own went mad! Started saying the whole Order is a joke, a mockery, a fool's errand - and that our sacred mission has been a waste of our time, of our very lives! And then he just went into a maniacal rage! I was studying a page of the Journal when he ripped the thing straight from my hands and hurled it into the fire! And what happened next.... oh, the destruction! the blood! the screaming!"
  Uncle Elroy's eyes dart frantically around the room as if he expected the very shadows to come alive and renew the violence he is recounting. You try to calm him before he does anything rash. "But you got away, and now you're here in your own home, safe and sound. Right?" you reassure him.
  "Yes...," he quavers. Then, emphatically, "Yes! And that's not all! I have something to entrust to you, something very important, that he doesn't know I have... if!"
  You eye Uncle Elroy expectantly. After a few moments of silence, you ask, "... if?"
  "If, you prove yourself worthy!"
  "Worthy of what, Uncle Elroy?" you prod.
  Uncle Elroy looks around, then whispers triumphantly to you, "Worthy to join the Secret Order!"

The Test

  Uncle Elroy leads you to the desk in his study, and motions for you to sit. A few dashes to this cupboard or that storage trunk later, he spreads out before you a sheet of questions, a quill pen, and an ink well. Unsure of what you're getting yourself into you try to demur, but he's having none of it. "This is important!" he hisses, stabbing a weathered finger at the paper in front of you. "My time is nearly ended anyway, and I've always thought you were the only one I could trust to take my place. Why not now? The old giving way to the new..."
  Lost in thought though he now seems to be, you nevertheless can see he won't take no for an answer. Besides, it is a little intriguing ...
  You peruse the questions. There aren't many.

  1. They come in streaks. They join in ambush. What are they?
        lions     tigers     bears     jaguars

  2. How many legs does a stoat have?
        2     4     6

  3. A Clowder of Cats; a Scurry of Squirrels; a Watch of ...
        Weasels     Wombats     Nightingales     Hawks

  4. It's like a White Man.
        kangaroo     jackrabbit     peacock     elephant     lemur

  5. She cares for her son Joey ...
        kangaroo     jackrabbit     peacock     elephant     Mrs. Lawrence    

  6. ... because Joey is a ...
        kid     joey     pansy     emo teen     former child star

  7. NBC is proud as a
        kangaroo     jackrabbit     peacock     elephant     lemur

  8. Travels in herds. Eats acacia.
        rhinoceruses     tigers     giraffes     warthogs     camels

The Secret Order of Animal Watchers —— MEMBERSHIP EXAM         © 1930,1974,2002 TSOoAW, Inc.

  "What an odd test!" you think. With a shrug, you proceed to answer the questions. Good thing you remember all your Uncle's ramblings when you were younger... and now you know why he seems to know so many weird things about so many animals!

The Safe

  Before you know it, you've answered all the questions. Uncle Elroy gives you a wink as he shifts an old painting of a wildebeest to the side, revealing a safe hidden behind it, built into the wall.
  "It's in here. The page from the Journal that I was able to salvage! You see, when he ripped it out of my hands, I was holding that single page ... and it tore right out. My heart nearly rent in two as I heard that tearing sound, but now I am overjoyed that this page alone, of the whole Journal, was saved from the fire. Though it got a bit singed, I'm afraid, when I tried to save the rest of the book."
  You walk over to the safe, your curiosity beginning to overwhelm you. Why is this page so important to your Uncle?
  "If you have shown yourself worthy, this safe will open for you. And if so, I will charge you with one final task to show yourself worthy to follow in my footsteps as a Recorder — once you have opened the safe, and found the page, you must tell me the two entries which were on the very next page. I can tell you only this — both entries were added this year!"
  And with an expectant air, Uncle Elroy steps aside to let you reach the safe. You see the single dial is massive; it has 64 positions, labelled with letters and numbers and a couple symbols. You hesitate, daunted and unsure what to do. Then, your Uncle snatches up the exam paper from the desk and thrusts it at you.
  "Here, now, do what must be done!"

Do you have what it takes to be a Recorder?

  • Take the test
  • Open the safe
  • Study the only surviving page of the Journal of the Secret Order of Animal Watchers
  • Rediscover the next two Journal entries
  • Make your Uncle proud!
  • Good Luck!

    • $\begingroup$ do they stare at goats too ? XD $\endgroup$
      – lois6b
      Commented Dec 13, 2016 at 7:14

    2 Answers 2


    The answers to the test are:

    1. tigers
    2. 4
    3. Nightingales
    4. elephant     (note from OP: because, like elephants, White Men Can't Jump)
    5. kangaroo
    6. joey
    7. peacock
    8. giraffes

    The bold letters in these answers ...

    ... give us the five-character code t4Nek plus the jpg image suffix, which can be used to construct an address for an image on imgur: https://i.sstatic.net/t4Nek.jpg

    Journal of the Secret Order of Animal Watchers

    Beastly Gerbil has found the answers to the test and the link to the last surviving page of the journal, so please give him credit by upvoting his answer.

    The conflicts described in the journal are ...

    ... final matches of major sport finals in the USA, where both teams have animal names.

    Baseball World Series:
    1934: St. Louis Cardinals beat Detroit Tigers
    1945: Detroit Tigers beat Chicago Cubs
    1968: Detroit Tigers beat St. Louis Cardinals
    2006: St. Louis Cardinals beat Detroit Tigers

    Football Super Bowl:
    1999: Denver Broncos beat Atlanta Falcons
    2007: Indianapolos Colts beat Chicago Bears
    2014: Seattle Seahawks beat Denver Broncos

    Stanley Cup (Ice Hockey):
    1992: Pittsburgh Penguins beat Chicago Blackhawks
    2013: Chicago Blackhawks beat Boston Bruins

    We are told that the next two entries were added in 2016. They should be about Denver Broncos beating Carolina Panthers in Super Bowl and Pittsburgh Penguins beating San Jose Sharks in the Stanley Cup.

    The sports connection also explains why the Secret Order is about watching animals: They watch sports teams with animal names.

    • $\begingroup$ @Wu33o: I have overwritten your edit, because I was adding the hockey stuff; sorry about that. I don't know what you edit was about, so feel free to re-edit. $\endgroup$
      – M Oehm
      Commented Dec 13, 2016 at 10:10
    • $\begingroup$ I also added the hockey stuff, I think you actually added in exactly the same lines, since the edit history doesn't show any changes in the hockey stuff between our edits $\endgroup$
      – Wu33o
      Commented Dec 13, 2016 at 10:13
    • $\begingroup$ Aaah well done, +1 $\endgroup$ Commented Dec 13, 2016 at 10:13
    • 1
      $\begingroup$ Uncle Elroy, filled with emotion, welcomes @MOehm to the ranks of the Secret Order of Animal Watchers and bestows upon him the sacred office of Recorder. Huzzah! $\endgroup$
      – Rubio
      Commented Dec 14, 2016 at 1:41
    • 1
      $\begingroup$ Oh, I feel honoured. Do I have to hold a thank-you speech or can I pull a Bob Dylan? $\endgroup$
      – M Oehm
      Commented Dec 14, 2016 at 7:28

    The answers to the test I believe are:


    (Thanks MOehm) tigers = t


    4 = 4


    Nightingales = N


    elephant = e


    kangaroo = k


    joey = j


    peacock = p


    giraffes = g

    so we finish with:





    enter image description here

    So now we have to find the next two entries

    While I was AFK, @MOehm worked out (upvote his answer too!)

    The entries are about sport finals in the US. Involving the Baseball World Series, Football Super Bowl and Stanley Cup. I wouldn't have got this not being American.

    So the next two entries will be

    about Denver Broncos beating Carolina Panthers in Super Bowl and Pittsburgh Penguins beating San Jose Sharks in Stanley Cup.

    • 1
      $\begingroup$ That looks more like a partially loaded real estate page. :) I guess the animals that come in streaks are tigers, which yields something that looks more like a page of a secret journal. $\endgroup$
      – M Oehm
      Commented Dec 13, 2016 at 7:49
    • $\begingroup$ Nice job, and hope you had fun working on this. I'm going to give the check to @MOehm for getting the last letter of the trivia test, and for figuring out the journal entries (the actual meat of the puzzle). $\endgroup$
      – Rubio
      Commented Dec 13, 2016 at 14:41
    • $\begingroup$ @Rubio that's fair enough, I basically solved a pub quiz :P $\endgroup$ Commented Dec 13, 2016 at 15:37

    Your Answer

    By clicking “Post Your Answer”, you agree to our terms of service and acknowledge you have read our privacy policy.

    Not the answer you're looking for? Browse other questions tagged or ask your own question.