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I asked my deranged little brother about what he wants for Christmas and he only answers in riddles.

Me: "So where should I get your Christmas present?"

I hate this video game, it's too hard to play an Orc.

Me: "What do you want me to get there?"

Squirrels put all their nuts into a treasure chest to hide them.

Me: "Who should I buy it from?"

My soccer coach says I don't get to play mid anymore.

Me: "Anything else?"

When my friend eats prime rib he says, "Muito bon!"

Then he started laughing.

What am I going to get my little brother for Christmas, from whom and where?

Edit with Hint:

My little brother's space theory is that cats come from other planets to beam messages psychically back home.

Second edit with Hint:

Oh dear! No one has got his present yet. I walked into my brother's room again and asked him,
"What kind of music do you like?"
And he replied, "I can't play this game on wifi, we need to get a lan!".
So I went downstairs and played some bell and drum music from Bali.

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    $\begingroup$ Are we missing any tag here? :-/ $\endgroup$
    – Techidiot
    Nov 30, 2016 at 15:26
  • $\begingroup$ Bold letters in hint : PPAP? $\endgroup$
    – IAmInPLS
    Dec 1, 2016 at 11:19
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    $\begingroup$ just buy him a xbox already ! $\endgroup$
    – Sikorski
    Dec 1, 2016 at 13:30

3 Answers 3

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Your brother wants you to go to

an Orchard

and buy

Chestnuts

from a

Midget

and, apparently,

wrap them in Ribbon.

 

From the second hint, we learn that

the pattern is to merge two words from the riddle to form the answer, as Balinese music using bells and drums is called gamelan, and both game and lan are found in the hint's answer.

Using the same principle, we quickly see that in the "Anything else?" answer,

When my friend eats prime rib he says, "Muito bon!"
and so he wants ribbon.

Looking at the remaining riddles, we have:

I hate this video game, it's too hard to play an Orc.
Squirrels put all their nuts into a treasure chest to hide them.
My soccer coach says I don't get to play mid anymore.

These need to be assembled in reverse order, to give the remaining answers.

The first hint isn't instructive in determining the answers to the riddles.

But it does hint at what we're doing:
As pointed out by @Mike Q, the bold letters p p a p reference the Pen-Pineapple-Apple-Pen video. In this video, two words are smashed together to form a new word, which is exactly what we are doing with words in the riddles to find your brother's intended answers.

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    $\begingroup$ How did you come up with this? $\endgroup$
    – LeppyR64
    Dec 12, 2016 at 18:13
  • $\begingroup$ @LeppyR64 just finished adding in the explanation $\endgroup$
    – Rubio ♦
    Dec 12, 2016 at 18:15
  • $\begingroup$ Looks solid to me. I didn't think of them being potentially out of order. -I wonder if that's what the 1st hint was aiming at with PPAP? We have 3 reversed, and one forwards. Or is there more to the first hint? $\endgroup$
    – bobthefunny
    Dec 12, 2016 at 18:17
  • $\begingroup$ PPAP = 3 Prepend and 1 Append? $\endgroup$
    – bobthefunny
    Dec 12, 2016 at 18:23
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    $\begingroup$ @Sikorski There's just no accounting for some people's taste. $\endgroup$
    – Rubio ♦
    Dec 13, 2016 at 8:03
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Partial answer to help:

From hint #2 we get:

Googling "bell and drum music from bali" gives us "Gamelan"
This matches the hint of "I can't play this game on wifi, we need to get a lan!"
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gamelan

From this, I assume that

When my friend eats prime rib he says, "Muito bon!"

means

Ribbon
When my friend eats prime rib he says, "Muito bon!"

But I'm having issues solving how to pick the two words to merge. The other hits don't seem to make sense with subject noun + last word,

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  • $\begingroup$ Very good! I don't think the words have to be in order, though: There's "midget" in the soccer sentence and "orchard" in the first one. (There may be "chestnuts" in the second, but that would be a bit obvious, woudn't it?) $\endgroup$
    – M Oehm
    Dec 12, 2016 at 18:05
  • $\begingroup$ All this is true (I spotted the ribbon immediately) but I still can't fit the first hint into this at all. I can't even see how hints one and two belong in the same puzzle. So yeah - I'm still stuck here, unable to get anywhere further than @bobthefunny has. $\endgroup$
    – Rubio ♦
    Dec 12, 2016 at 18:06
  • $\begingroup$ Maybe the positions of the used words in the phrase indicate something? $\endgroup$
    – M Oehm
    Dec 12, 2016 at 18:08
  • $\begingroup$ @MOehm It might be the answer, considering the place where you would get them... $\endgroup$
    – Sumurai8
    Dec 12, 2016 at 18:08
  • $\begingroup$ Of course not 15 seconds after typing my last comment here I finally found the word I was missing. and I still have no idea what Hint 1 is about. ...heh. And I wasn't cribbing your answers @MOehm - I didn't even see your comment until just now! $\endgroup$
    – Rubio ♦
    Dec 12, 2016 at 18:16
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I agree with Rubio's logic, although I don't really understand your brother's preference about the buyer.

I think I figured out the first hint. It made more sense in the context of the second hint. Hint #1 contains the following clue:

The clue contains "PPAP", a Japanese meme about words that are put together, and arranged backwards and forwards. You're telling us to try joining one word with a word that came before it.

Additionally, although this may be a stretch,

Arranging the sentence in reverse yields the word "backspace", which suggests moving backwards.

This puzzle was indeed quite crazy!

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  • $\begingroup$ Oh, man. I saw PPAP hits for a song and ignored them. I didn't realize that the song is apparently entirely relevant. Nice! $\endgroup$
    – Rubio ♦
    Dec 12, 2016 at 18:36
  • $\begingroup$ I suspected it was relevant, but for the wrong reason. I thought the brother's answers meant that they live in a Portuguese-speaking country, and he wanted an illegal copy (from "a fence") of a Japanese game about treasure hunting. But that's not much of a riddle. $\endgroup$
    – MikeQ
    Dec 12, 2016 at 18:53

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