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You have two men in a room. You know for a fact that one is a physicist and the other is a plumber. Sadly both men have recently been rendered totally deaf and haven't learned sign language. This is a problem because you have to tell which one is the physicist who can bring the run-away LHC under control and which is the plumber here to unclog the toilet.

You have a piece of paper and a pen. What single word do you write down and ask them to say to determine which is which?

Anyone that says plumber or physicist shall be squashed under an irrelevant elephant.

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    $\begingroup$ Um... Erm... Are you a plumber? $\endgroup$
    – warspyking
    Nov 13, 2014 at 1:12
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    $\begingroup$ Large Hadron Collider $\endgroup$
    – JamesENL
    Nov 13, 2014 at 1:14
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    $\begingroup$ "Plumber?" Just form their title as a question as if to say "Bob?" "Bob is that you?" $\endgroup$
    – warspyking
    Nov 13, 2014 at 1:14
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    $\begingroup$ You shall be squashed under a gazelle, as per my question edit :P $\endgroup$
    – JamesENL
    Nov 13, 2014 at 1:15
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    $\begingroup$ @JamesMassey, I think that what COTO means is: you have written "unionised" on a piece of paper. They read it silently without moving their lips. They glance at each other, confused. They look at you expecting clarification. Now what? It would have been much more useful to write "profession?" $\endgroup$
    – tobyink
    Nov 13, 2014 at 10:25

6 Answers 6

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"Unionized". The idea is that the physicist will pronounce according to the meaning "not ionized", while the plumber will treat it as "formed a union".

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  • $\begingroup$ Well answered Sir! $\endgroup$
    – JamesENL
    Nov 13, 2014 at 1:20
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    $\begingroup$ Unfortunately for us, our physicist just got back from a debate about employment law and the plumber is self-employed and reads about particle physics for fun. </snark> $\endgroup$
    – Kevin
    Nov 13, 2014 at 3:09
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    $\begingroup$ Blech. I've heard this line from a relative who thinks it's absolutely hilarious. I have even made a special point of trying it on people from various walks of life and all professions. Long story short: they all do as the plumber, because that way is simply more common. She still thinks it's funny anyway. Bleeeeecchhhhhh. $\endgroup$
    – geometrian
    Nov 13, 2014 at 4:22
  • $\begingroup$ And here I was hoping for a super mario reference :-( $\endgroup$
    – Falco
    Nov 13, 2014 at 12:00
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    $\begingroup$ @imallett I would pronounce it like the physicist, not like the plumber (and I'm not even a physicist). $\endgroup$
    – Rand al'Thor
    Nov 20, 2016 at 14:35
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σ. The physicist will say "sigma", the plumber will say "huh?", assuming a non-greek plumber.

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    $\begingroup$ And if a third person is heard to use the phrase "assuming a non-greek plumber", then this must be a mathematician :) $\endgroup$
    – rumtscho
    Nov 13, 2014 at 14:16
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TeV

The plumber will almost certainly pronounce it as the Latvian dative second person singular pronoun, whereas the particle physicist will read it as tera-electron-volt.

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Unionised: Plumber will pronounce it as the boolean operation and the physicist as not an ion but an atom

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Per my father, who is both:

Auger - which to the physicist would be pronounced in French and to the plumber would be pronounced in English.

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de Broglie

because

It is the name of a famous physicist, one of the fathers of quantum mechanics. Any physicist would have heard of him during their studies.

His name is pronounced something like "de Broy". A physicist would know that.
Anybody not familiar with quantum mechanics would make it rhyme with "ugly".

(OK, it is 2 words. DeBroglie or simply Broglie would also do.)

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    $\begingroup$ sadly I have studied about wave particle duality and my teacher(me too) pronounced it in a way which rhymed with ugly. $\endgroup$
    – Lakshay Sura
    Aug 1, 2020 at 14:19
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    $\begingroup$ That better works for french-speaking physicists, I guess. $\endgroup$
    – Florian F
    Aug 1, 2020 at 14:22
  • $\begingroup$ I can't say I'm neither French nor European. $\endgroup$
    – Lakshay Sura
    Aug 1, 2020 at 14:25

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