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This is a sort of reverse puzzle in that the answer is given, and the question is - what steps are needed to get to the answer?

The MC Frontalot song titled 80085 encodes a series of mathematical steps which, presumably, result in the number "80085" (which number may be mildly titillating when viewed on a calculator):

Ready? Go. Eighty women went to the podiatrist.
Arrive: simultaneous. Soon the scene's riotous.
Nine just leave. Those in the difference persevere,
packing up the lobby very tightly, domineered
by one Sally Gorey (that's her given name)
(though her title is Reception) (and professional acclaim
is due her) ('cause she did what needed doing). And it's done:
she opened up the schedule, slotted every single one.
But, um... not many on a Friday afternoon!
All but an eighteenth of the women in the room
had to vrooooom. For each remaining patient
x-rays were taken. Then the doctor took vacation.

Why was that vacation germane to the math?
'Cause of good data policy in the office and a vast
abundance of caution on the part of our Sally:
eight backups nightly, automated, and the tally
only ever shrinking when manually deleted.
All of this occurring in the box behind reception so she needed
a full backup of that box, noons.
These weren't incremental, so her server needs ballooned.
Who deserved to flee Duluth? The doctor was in Rio
for three work weeks and another Monday just to be so
thoroughly relaxed upon return.
Have you gathered all the facts that you needed to discern?

Morning in the office, after vacatings:
out of those belonging to the original 80 ladies.
How many digital toes were in images grand total?
Your evidence so far is largely anecdotal.
And you're keen to know if any had deformity. So icky!
Ten toes per customer; this puzzle: not that tricky.
Key in your calc. Check your seven-segment indicator.
Now add my eliteness. Notice that the sum is greater
than expected. You still have to subtract
two for a pair of things Sally has that I lack.
I warned you it was kind of immature; I wasn't skirting the issue.
Still you snicker at the calculator. "Dirty! I need a tissue."

My question is: what series of steps do these lyrics encode? All my attempts thus far have failed to produce the desired output.

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  • $\begingroup$ It already starts off bizarrely, unless I'm missing something: 80 minus 9 = 71, and an eighteenth of 71 is not a whole number. $\endgroup$ – Claudiu Mar 31 '16 at 16:21
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    $\begingroup$ 72/18 = 4 last I checked $\endgroup$ – Matt Mar 31 '16 at 16:38
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    $\begingroup$ @Matt (80 - 9 + 1[sally]/18 = 4 - 1 [sally isn't a patient] = 3 women (x-rayed); my bad $\endgroup$ – Raystafarian Mar 31 '16 at 16:43
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    $\begingroup$ Add the eliteness - 1337. So 78750 + 1337 = 80087. Take away 2 is 80085, Just dont know how to get to 78750. $\endgroup$ – Trenin Mar 31 '16 at 17:41
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    $\begingroup$ This is a repeat of puzzling.stackexchange.com/questions/17573/… $\endgroup$ – Solocutor Mar 31 '16 at 18:21
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Ready? Go. Eighty women went to the podiatrist.

80

Nine just leave. Those in the difference persevere,

80 - 9 = 71

All but an eighteenth of the women in the room

There are 72 women including sally, so 4 remain including sally. Thus there are 3 patients.

72 / 18 = 4

4 - 1 = 3

For each remaining patient x-rays were taken. Then the doctor took vacation.

Then x-rays are taken and the doctor goes on vacation.

eight backups nightly, automated, and the tally

So eight backups were taken each night.

All of this occurring in the box behind reception so she needed

All eight backups were copied to a single box.

a full backup of that box, noons.

And that box was also backed up on noon every day.

These weren't incremental, so her server needs ballooned.

Ok, here is where it gets tricky. After all the x-rays are taken, we have 3 sets of xrays. That night, 8 backups are taken, so we add 24 x-rays to the box behind reception. The next noon, we back up that entire box, so all 27 get copied to a server. Repeat the next night and so on.

Lets ignore the inital 3 for a minute. Each night, the backups add 24 images to the box behind reception. The following noon, all those are backed up to a server.

So, we get the following:

$$Server=\sum_{i=1}^{24}{24 \times i}=7200$$ $$Reception=25\times24=600$$

Now we need to re-introduce those original 3 xrays. They are present on the reception server so add 3 to it.

$$Reception=603$$

Also, we included them 24 times on the server, so add that as well.

$$Server=7200+24\times3=7272$$

The total number of images is therefore $603+7272=7875$.

Ten toes per customer; this puzzle: not that tricky.

7875 x 10 = 78750

Now add my eliteness. Notice that the sum is greater

78750 + 1337 = 80087

You still have to subtract two for a pair of things Sally has that I lack.

80087 - 2 = 80085

Which is

7-segment display ("Still you snicker at the calculator.") for "BOOBS": a pair of things that Sally has that the puzzler lacks.

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