A certain young gentleman received a confusing and cryptic letter, which he assumes is a love letter. But alas, the letter has no name on it. The letter is as reads below:
Hey, baby, won't you look my way, I could be your new addiction. Well, maybe not me, seeing as I didn't write that. The question is, who did?
I apologize if I'm not making much sense, because there is an annoying insect in my room. It sounds like haemophilia, but it shares it's roots with anthropology. I have Nikolai to blame for that. Look, out, Gansey!!
I'll have to go kill it now, because, honey, there ain't no rest for the wicked. (I didn't write that line either, by the way.)
I'm also craving some homeomorphic toroidal polyhedrons, but I'd rather share them with you rather then eat them alone. I suppose I could write it all down in one letter.
I'd rather tell you how I'm feeling, boy, and how I'm doing things my way. If I'd got my piano, then I'd know things were okay. (Is there a limit to the amount of allusions you can make in one letter? Take my first two letters, I suppose, and you'd get your answer,)
And in my last letter... well, Fabian and Gideon can tell you, it's the first letter of their last of names.
It's elementary, my dear, and if you can't figure this out, then I'd have to infer that you aren't really worth the unrequited crush.
If you figure out the name I've been trying to tell you, then you'll know who I am, because I am his daughter.
Solve it by the 26th, baby, we ride then at midnight. Bring the potatoes.
What is the name of the author of the letter?