Open Challenge: What is the longest complete sentence you can make wherein every word is a homophone? A simple example would be:

I threw you. (eye through yew)

Ground Rules (more may be added if needed):

  1. Words must be English words present on dictionary.com. This goes for both the one used in the sentence and it's homophonic partner(s).
  2. The sentence must be a grammatically complete, comprehensible English sentence (any included quotes must also be comprehensible).
  3. Words may not be repeated, and only one member from any homophonic group is allowed (eg 'I threw your eye' is disallowed) otherwise it would be chaos (e.g. 'I write: "I write: ""I write: ....').
  4. Punctuation is allowed.
    4.a No lists! (You didn't think I'd miss that did you?)
    4.b See Rule 2's note on quotations
  5. No proper nouns (either in the sentence or used to make a homophonic pair)
  6. For verification (and likely hilarity), include in your post the homophonic conjugate/complement of your sentence.
  7. The sentence with the largest word count wins. If a tie, the sentence with the largest letter (read: not character) count wins.
  • 1
    $\begingroup$ Some words which are homophones in some dialects are not in others. Which ones count? $\endgroup$ – f'' Aug 27 '15 at 18:26
  • 1
    $\begingroup$ I'm beginning to see this; when writing the puzzle, I figured it was safe as homophony is a well defined concept. Not sure how to handle dialects, to be honest $\endgroup$ – NeedAName Aug 27 '15 at 18:30
  • 1
    $\begingroup$ At some point you're all just playing Mad Gab. $\endgroup$ – Joe Z. Aug 27 '15 at 19:37
  • $\begingroup$ At first I thought you had to be able to make a 'homonym sentence' (and have two full sentences from different homonyms sound the same but mean different things) - I was like. wow this is hard. Now I'm a bit dissapointed lol $\endgroup$ – Spacemonkey Aug 27 '15 at 19:44

98 Words, and a bit theatrical in form:

You, whose sick, dying horse weakly neighs through great pain; lo, I heard our chaste, poor-bred aunts rode foaled, male deer, wanting feet meat banned for sale, loot, or profit some few days past, but died in one cannon-weighted, taut-cord bait boat which flew overseas, would steer all ways, except when night's fair weather made a base course, led to foul mist, high waves, pale, barren beach shore hued red, so wrecked, holed, sinking, their craft bearing dual loads knew no more time; do hear me: steel your mind, pray; higher we raise souls, mourning.

ewe who's sic, dyeing hoarse weekly nays threw grate pane; low, eye herd hour chased, pore/pour bread ants road fold mail dear, wonting feat meet band four/fore sail, lute, oar prophet sum phew daze past, butt dyed inn won canon waited taught cored bate bote witch flew oversees, would stere awl weighs, accept win knights fare whether maid uh bass coarse, lead two/too fowl missed, hi waives, pail, baron beech sure hewed read, sew recked, hold, syncing, their kraft baring duel lodes new know moor thyme; due here mi: steal yore mined, prey, hire wee rays soles, morning.

The obsession is over

  • $\begingroup$ This one's been put on hold (appropriately, I think) so I'm just going to accept yours as the longest (it would be unfair to debate the validity, for the same reason that this question is frozen). Good work. :) $\endgroup$ – NeedAName Aug 28 '15 at 14:05
  • $\begingroup$ is the homophone of foaled perhaps intended to be "fold"? $\endgroup$ – dennisdeems Aug 28 '15 at 14:06
  • $\begingroup$ @NeedAName Gotcha, and thanks. It's better that I stop. It'll give me time to finally write that play...based on this narrative. $\endgroup$ – raisinghellyer Aug 28 '15 at 14:10
  • $\begingroup$ @dennisdeems Yes, I'll fix that. Hard to keep it all straight after so long. $\endgroup$ – raisinghellyer Aug 28 '15 at 14:11
  • $\begingroup$ Wow, kudos; Yours actually sounds like it belongs in a Shakespeare poetry reading one has to endure in English Lit class. Bravo. $\endgroup$ – Kingrames Aug 28 '15 at 14:40

33 words, 134 letters:

It rhymes :-)

I stayed as lead for six whole slow weeks,
sighed seeing some plain foul leaks;
we have more great sales links by mail due,
but lessened our high loan weight loads too.

eye, staid, ass, lid, four, sicks, hole, sloe, weaks, side, sing, sum, plane, fowl, leeks, wee half, moor, grate, sells/sails, lynx, buy, male, dew, butt, lessoned, hour, hi, lone waits lodes two

  • $\begingroup$ Hmm in my mind, debts/dates don't sound the same. What, pray tell, is you accent if you don't mind me asking? $\endgroup$ – NeedAName Aug 27 '15 at 18:28
  • 3
    $\begingroup$ That's one of the difficulties with this particular type of puzzle. To me, as $\ne$ ass, lead $\ne$ lid, seeing $\ne$ seen, have $\ne$ half, more $\ne$ moor, sales $\ne$ sells. $\endgroup$ – Ian MacDonald Aug 27 '15 at 19:20
  • $\begingroup$ I agree that some of these are a stretch, But homonyms are not defined properly. It also depends on locale, I, for example, pronounce lid and lead almost the same. I will try minimizing these. $\endgroup$ – Rohcana Aug 27 '15 at 19:25
  • 1
    $\begingroup$ This looks like it could be a riddle. $\endgroup$ – f'' Aug 27 '15 at 19:42
  • 2
    $\begingroup$ I agree with @f". After reading the first two lines, my guess is : a sysadmin for ashley madison? $\endgroup$ – NeedAName Aug 27 '15 at 20:02

17 words to get things started

I see you have to wait in here one more week for bread dough or new meat. (eye sea yew half two weight inn hear won moor weak four bred doe oar knew meet)

  • 2
    $\begingroup$ more/mower is a big stretch $\endgroup$ – dennisdeems Aug 27 '15 at 18:20
  • 3
    $\begingroup$ moor would be better $\endgroup$ – dramzy Aug 27 '15 at 18:21
  • $\begingroup$ @dennisdeems It depends on your accent. I had moor - I'll change it back. $\endgroup$ – Gordon K Aug 27 '15 at 18:23

29 words:

I pray to meet dear maid one night, or see her fair sight, laid in some beach by wine but no pie, mourning for me where none might hear.

sounds like

eye prey two meat deer made won knight, ore sea hair fare site, lade inn sum beech buy whine butt know pi, morning four mi wear nun mite here.


35 words

I taught him writing through eight straight days but father knew there was no right way not to wait for six more week nights, so we queued by a cheap cannon pair in our house.

sounds like

Eye taut hymn rioting threw ate strait daze butt farther new their wars know write whey nought to weight four sicks mow weak knights, sow wee cued buy uh cheep canon pare inn hour how's.

  • $\begingroup$ his/hiss and house/how's and hearse/hers aren't homophones! The final phoneme is different, one like S and one like Z in each case. $\endgroup$ – Rand al'Thor Aug 27 '15 at 18:46
  • 1
    $\begingroup$ was/wars and not/nought and a/uh are dodgy too. $\endgroup$ – Rand al'Thor Aug 27 '15 at 18:47
  • $\begingroup$ I stand by how's/house, was/wars, not/nought and a/uh. I will accept that the other two are stretched. $\endgroup$ – CodeNewbie Aug 27 '15 at 18:53
  • $\begingroup$ @randal'thor: Fixed those two, the rest I'm sticking with. :-) $\endgroup$ – CodeNewbie Aug 27 '15 at 19:01
  • $\begingroup$ writing/rioting doesn't work either. $\endgroup$ – DavidPostill Aug 27 '15 at 20:08

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