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I'd like to share with you a story about my yesterday. Perhaps you'll find it more exciting than I do.

I found a free-range donkey
next to a free-range horse
and what I did with them, you ask?
I had them breed, of course!
They had one foal and left him
afraid and all alone
so I threw a pack upon his back
and kept him as my own

I wandered through the jungle
over buggy, muggy ground
when I felt something slipping --
oh, my pants were falling down!
I located some tangled vines
('twere thin and didn't bite)
and wrapped them well around my waist
to hold my pants up tight

Tonight I sleep quite soundly
as imps prance through my head
I think of dragons and gypsy wagons
as I lie still in my bed
I force myself to stay asleep
so the fantasies persist
but to my surprise, as I arise
the fantasies exist!

Each stanza holds a two-word phrase
all key to my solution
though in each case, you'll need to make
a rhyming substitution!
And once you've found the phrases
and you've located the rhymes
You'll find the answer, clear as mud
(a vapid waste of time)

So, what's the hidden message in my story?

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  • $\begingroup$ Impressive rhyming! Can I suggest that you add an extra syllable to "and located the rhymes"? Maybe "all"? Unless that would change the solution.. $\endgroup$
    – Ian MacDonald
    Aug 7 '15 at 19:13
  • $\begingroup$ It wouldn't change the solution! I think it depends on how you read it - when I hear it in my head, it goes: "and ONCE you've FOUND the PHRA-ses / and LO-ca-TED the RHYMES", with a breath pause after each line, though if you read it "and lo-CA-ted ALL the RHYMES", you get a very similar effect. $\endgroup$
    – Bailey M
    Aug 7 '15 at 19:16
  • $\begingroup$ Just to be clear, "Each stanza" refers to all four, or the three above? I have a guess as far as two word phrases go, but I don't see it in stanza four. $\endgroup$
    – Josh
    Aug 7 '15 at 19:22
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    $\begingroup$ I understand your reasoning, but I think that with the other 6 lines, its flow is wrong. "each STANza HOLDS a TWO-word PHRASE all KEY to MY solUTion // though IN each CASE you'll NEED to MAKE a RHYMing SUBstiTUtion // and ONCE you've FOUND the PHRAses —— and LOcatED the RHYMES // you'll FIND the ANSwer, CLEAR as MUD (a VAPid WASTE of TIME)." The other pairs of lines don't have that breath between them, so it feels unnatural (especially mid-sentence). Also, I think it's more natural to want to elongate the A than the E in "located". $\endgroup$
    – Ian MacDonald
    Aug 7 '15 at 19:35
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    $\begingroup$ @IanMacDonald I see what you mean! I added a 'you've' which should clear it up! Thanks for pointing it out. :) $\endgroup$
    – Bailey M
    Aug 7 '15 at 19:36
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I found a free-range donkey
next to a free-range horse
and what I did with them, you ask?
I had them breed, of course!
They had one foal and left him
afraid and all alone
so I threw a pack upon his back
and kept him as my own

Sounds like you ended up with a PET MULE.

I wandered through the jungle
over buggy, muggy ground
when I felt something slipping --
oh, my pants were falling down!
I located some tangled vines
('twere thin and didn't bite)
and wrapped them well around my waist
to hold my pants up tight

You improvised a PLANT BELT.

Tonight I sleep quite soundly
as imps prance through my head
I think of dragons and gypsy wagons
as I lie still in my bed
I force myself to stay asleep
so the fantasies persist
but to my surprise, as I arise
the fantasies exist!

And woke up to some REAL DREAMS.

Each stanza holds a two-word phrase
all key to my solution
though in each case, you'll need to make
a rhyming substitution!
And once you've found the phrases
and you've located the rhymes
You'll find the answer, clear as mud
(a vapid waste of time)

If we take all the words from the phrases above, "Pet mule plant belt real dreams," and instead substitute a rhyming word for each, we (of course) end up with the phrase, "Jet fuel can't melt steel beams."

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    $\begingroup$ Oh God, that phrase again! $\endgroup$
    – Rand al'Thor
    Aug 8 '15 at 9:27
  • $\begingroup$ Haha, wow... can't believe I missed that one! $\endgroup$
    – Josh
    Aug 8 '15 at 19:05
  • $\begingroup$ Quite well done. :) $\endgroup$
    – Bailey M
    Aug 10 '15 at 13:35
  • $\begingroup$ But mind control chemicals can. $\endgroup$
    – Joshua
    Aug 12 '15 at 18:08
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Each stanza holds a two-word phrase
all key to my solution
though in each case, you'll need to make
a rhyming substitution!

I think this means that in each stanza we need to

replace one word by another, twice (getting two new words), in such a way as to make all the lines rhyme rather than just nearly all.

For the first stanza,

1) replace "donkey" by "ass" to (almost) rhyme with "ask", at least in some accents (not mine, but never mind)

2) I think the "foal" line should have a "hole" somewhere, so that it rhymes in the same way as "pack"/"back"

So the first stanza gives ASSHOLE (!)

[work in progress]

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    $\begingroup$ Oh, my! No, that's not exactly what I had in mind... O_o $\endgroup$
    – Bailey M
    Aug 7 '15 at 19:49

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