Here's another classic I couldn't find on the site:
How can you determine the weight of an elephant without using a scale?
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Here's the canonical answer, via the Archimedes Principle:
Put the elephant onto a large boat, and mark the water level that the boat sinks to. Then, take the elephant out and put a bunch of marked weights onto the boat until it reaches the same water level. Add up the masses of the weights to get the weight of the elephant.
You could just do what the Imperial system did and make it a new unit of measurement.
i.e - I would like to purchase 0.002 elephants of chocolate please!
For every new elephant king that appears, we simply change the unit to suit it properly.
Alternative answer: Take the elephant into space, and calculate its gravitational pull on a know mass object (using the universal gravitation equation.)
My sister came up with this one:
Elephants are known for their patience so find yourself a beach chair, some tanning lotion, LOTS of beer and a good pair of sunglasses. (Snacks are a plus but avoid peanuts as they may render the whole thing useless)
Once you are set , start the timer on your watch and observe the elephant. Once the elephant is tired of you staring at it and leaves, stop your timer. And you will know how much that elephants waits.
Get it ? get it?