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I have many children yet some would doubt that I love them.

My first might have impressed if not for a knife.
My second's fall was far from bright.

My third kept undesirable company or drank too much wine,
While my fourth was abandoned, frozen in time.

My fifth liked his eels chopped and axed,
And my sixth preferred cooked, if anyone asked.

My seventh could not stand the sight of a bath,
While my last might have been first, but surely was there last.

Name me and my children.

Hint #1 (children described in clues above are numbered 1 to 8 to make these new clues easier to follow)

1 might have killed 2
2 is said to have killed 4
3 is killed by 1 or 7 or hell or heaven
4 is killed by 1 or 3 or most likely 2
5 probably died first
6 did not kill anyone
7 killed four but not 1
8 stayed away until the killing was all done.
If all of us are dead, who killed 7 and 1?

Hint #2 (I personally think this one is a dead giveaway but oh well :P )

To prostrate oneself, oh joyous man -

Hint #3 (Dead giveaway, I'd suggest not looking at this one unless you've tried solving with just the others)

Hint #2 is a charade for the author's name, First and Family names separated by the comma.

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  • 1
    $\begingroup$ "me and my children" I name you. $\endgroup$ – Conor O'Brien May 21 '15 at 20:51
  • 3
    $\begingroup$ facepalm nope, this isn't a 'lateral-thinking' type of riddle. :P $\endgroup$ – Spacemonkey May 21 '15 at 20:52
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    $\begingroup$ Is the name of your fifth an anagram of "his eels"? (Also, this riddle has just inspired me to write a new one!) $\endgroup$ – Rand al'Thor May 21 '15 at 21:09
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    $\begingroup$ Nope I'm afraid not. And we really ought to stop inspiring ourselves to make more riddles and start solving the ones we've already made. I'm still trying to figure out your 7 or 8 one. >_< but cheers :) $\endgroup$ – Spacemonkey May 21 '15 at 21:12
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    $\begingroup$ Call me weird, but some of it reminds me of the Hunger Games... $\endgroup$ – AJL May 23 '15 at 18:58
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You are

The King/81st Lord of Stormend

From

Stardust, by Neil Gaiman

Note: I am not familiar with the story having not read the book or seen the film, I worked it out based on Hints 2 and 3

To prostrate oneself is to 'kneel' and a joyous man might be said to be a 'gay man'.

The rest I worked out via Google, Wikipedia and the work-in-question's own wiki (which is not one of the better ones I've seen).

Your first is

Primus. I can't find reference to the knife in the riddle, but 1 might have killed 2 refers to Secondus being killed by Primus in the book (but by Septus in the film), according to the Stardust Wiki.

Your second is

Secondus. His fall was far from bright when he died after falling/being pushed from a window. 2 is said to have killed 4, and quote the Stardust Wiki: "Quartus, who Secundus had killed some years ago"

Your third is

Tertius. In the book he kept undesirable company and died "during a liason with a prostitute". In the film he drank too much wine, which was poisoned.

Your fourth is

Quartus. He was abandoned and frozen in time when he froze to death having been locked in a cold store.

Your fifth is

Quintus. He was killed by poisoned eels in the book, and by an axe to the head in the film.

Your sixth is

Sextus. He was 'cooked' in a fire started by Septimus.

Your seventh is

Septimus. Can't find reference in the Wiki about the bath, but it does have a still image from the film in which Septimus is in a bathtub. He killed four (in the book) or five (in the film) of his brothers, but Primus wasn't one of them.

Your eighth is

Una. She might have been first (Una means 'one') but she was surely there last (she was the last survivor of the eight children).

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  • $\begingroup$ Good job! I had a vague thought about that a few days ago but I had forgotten it contained details of how each of them died (some of them are already dead from the outset), so I dismissed the idea. $\endgroup$ – Pete May 26 '15 at 16:48
  • $\begingroup$ The witches kill both Primus and Septimus (the later by drowning him by voodoo) Goodjob! I thought the riddle would be a lot easier (especially if you've seen the movie or read the book) $\endgroup$ – Spacemonkey May 26 '15 at 18:29
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I think it's:

The days of the week: Monday,Tuesday,Wednesday,Thursday,Friday,Saturday,Sunday.

Because:

While my last might have been first, but surely was there last: Monday or Sunday both could be the first day

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  • $\begingroup$ But why would the 'week' (had to name the person speaking too remember, - I'm guessing that's what you meant) not love it's days? Or any of the other clues safe the last... $\endgroup$ – Spacemonkey May 22 '15 at 13:30
  • $\begingroup$ Interestingly enough, the days of the week are named for greek/roman gods and planets. $\endgroup$ – Greg May 23 '15 at 22:05
  • $\begingroup$ Also if I've read the question correctly there are 8 children? $\endgroup$ – starsplusplus May 25 '15 at 12:16
  • $\begingroup$ @starsplusplus it's wrong. $\endgroup$ – RE60K May 25 '15 at 12:17
  • $\begingroup$ @ADG What is wrong? $\endgroup$ – starsplusplus May 25 '15 at 12:19
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To clear up some of the things from @elf337's answer (I would put these spoilers in a comment but I don't think it's possible?)

First

Primus has his throat cut by the witch-queen in the book

Seventh

Septimus was also killed by the witch-queen in the book. Don't know about the bath - a bath does feature in the book but not in relation to Septimus I think. I haven't seen the film.

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It doesn't go well with the hints but i thought it was funny so my answer is:

GGR Martin and characters from aSoIaF

My first might have impressed if not for a knife.

Khal Drogo, impressive man, but died because of a knife

My second's fall was far from bright.

Bran Stark who fell from the tower

My third kept undesirable company or drank too much wine,

Definitively Robert Baratheon

While my fourth was abandoned, frozen in time.

The white walkers. It's freezing in the north and almost everybody forgot about them

My fifth liked his eels chopped and axed,

Ramsey Bolton who chopped the "eel" from Theon

And my sixth preferred cooked, if anyone asked.

The dragons, who burn (cook) everything

My seventh could not stand the sight of a bath,

Maybe Osha or any wildings

While my last might have been first, but surely was there last.

The first men who are the original human inhabitants of Westeros but there were others mythical creatures here before

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  • $\begingroup$ Not the answer but thanks for sharing it anyway :) I'm curious as to who the speaker would be following your answer $\endgroup$ – Spacemonkey May 26 '15 at 18:31

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