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Recently, I found this question: Girls are Mean! which I wanted to strike back at with twice the amount of swords... And here's the story.


Hello, I am Dr. Bonn and I am willing to find out if boys can be mean, too. So, I walked around the street looking for a boy-girl pair, and at almost the end of it, I found a perfect one to test my theory. I found a piece of homework that definitely belonged to a big sister, except, it was, uh, math homework? No, and I also found a science research project.

So I gave the boy (whose name was, I think, Grayson), this video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JDy95_eNPzM "the earth still isn't flat", and I gave him the paper and he, seriously, messed it up.

[Flat earthers] aren't what you think they are going to be in [Cavendish experiment].
They mostly [maybe] tower over ["globetards"], but most of [researchers] stay on
the [globe]. When [Flat earthers] first [blamed globe earthers] they were pretty [gravitational].
But after [300] years of evolution, they became [electromagnetic] and [electromagnetic], slowly but
[unsurely].

However, 66 [0] years ago, an [dipole] struck the [Antarctic Treaty], [Dunning-Kruger] ing
them off the [personal dome].

A lot of them weren't as [nice] as you think they were, because
they only [knew] [weird scientific terms], but some of them did eat other [flat earthers]. "

The next day, however, Dr. Howard asked me to "FIX IT UP!", because we had the following argument:

Dr. Howard: "I'm very disappointed that you deviated from our subject of talking about artificial intelligence, and researched if boys are mean or not!"

Me: "Well, it wasn't intentional, okay? I just saw a post on Puzzling SE and I got deviated! "

Dr. Howard: "Oh, these guys? They're crazy, okay! Now get back to fixing our problem about neural nets! "

Me: "Look, it was at least a scientific deviation, okay, Dr. Howard?!"

Dr. Howard: "Well, you asked a boy to mess up a girl's homework! That isn't scientific! "

Me: "It is! It teaches about psychology! "

Dr. Howard: "NOO! FIX IT ALL UP! "

Me (sighing): "Fine. "

I forgot what the original paper was, and he started messing it up so quickly. So, I turn back to you guys, for help on figuring out the original.

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  • $\begingroup$ Is the video required to answer the puzzle? If so, that's bad practice here, because we want all puzzles to be as self-contained as possible. That way the puzzle would work even if the link goes down. $\endgroup$ – bobble Dec 28 '20 at 16:40
  • $\begingroup$ It's not required, no. $\endgroup$ – new QOpenGLWidget Dec 28 '20 at 16:49
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The original text doesn't seem to have been taken word-for-word from anything on the internet, and it seems like some gaps can be filled in multiple equally-plausible ways, so I can't guarantee I've reconstructed it exactly, but this is clearly about

dinosaurs.

Dictionary:

"Flat earthers" means "dinosaurs" and "globetards" etc. means "mammals".
"Gravitational" and "electromagnetic" seem like they have to refer to size, though it isn't the case that dinosaurs en masse became either larger and larger or smaller and smaller between the first appearance of mammals and the extinction event 66Ma ago.
"Nice" means "fierce" or something of the kind.
It doesn't seem as if there's any very consistent principle behind the substitutions. (E.g., I don't see any way to make "gravitational" and "Cavendish experiment" have closely related meanings.)

Hopefully-fixed-up version:

Dinosaurs aren't what you think they are going to be in (??elementary school??). They mostly seem to tower over mammals, but most of them stay on the earth. When dinosaurs first encountered mammals they were pretty (??big/small??). But after 100 million years of evolution, they became (smaller and smaller / larger and larger), slowly but surely.
However, 66 million years ago, an asteroid struck the earth, wiping them off the planet.
A lot of them weren't as fierce as you think they were, because they only ate vegetables, but some of them did eat other dinosaurs.

Things I'm not entirely satisfied with in this answer:

I've assumed that "globe-earthers" means mammals because I'm not sure what else would make a suitable contrast there. But I don't know of any characteristic of dinosaurs that changed steadily between the first mammals and the Chicxulub event, so it's not obvious to me exactly what gravitational/electromagnetic correspond to.
The asteroid impact 66M years ago didn't wipe out all the dinosaurs -- some are still around, and we call them birds. I guess you could say it did wipe them off earth, though, since the ones that survived were (all? almost all?) avian.
It seems like there must be some rationale behind the particular substitutions used, but if there's a unifying principle I haven't figured it out.

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  • $\begingroup$ rot13(gerrf) also is suitable (and I made the "essay" up myself. ) $\endgroup$ – new QOpenGLWidget Dec 28 '20 at 20:11

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