11
$\begingroup$

I was bored, so I made another riddle! Enjoy :D


I am number one, and number two, and number three, but I will never reach A-level.

People pick me up and slam me down a lot.

It can hurt sometimes, although it isn't terrible (after all, I can handle a little shock)

Don't touch me too often, I've bitten off more than a few fingers.

I can bench 200, 266, and even beyond 400 if I really try (it isn't advisable though).

I'm pretty hot and tend to overheat, but that's just in my nature, in my skin. My family has the same issue too (so maybe it's genetic?)

Sunscreen? Pfft who needs that? Sometimes I think my younger brothers and sisters are just wimps.

I'm an L2 language learner in Catalan, but I also know bits and pieces of Polish. You see, I'm a polyglot, and that's what I'm most proud of.

I like my Mod pizza with Canadian bacon, Mozzarella, Olives, and Salami. Sounds delicious doesn't it? You'll need to be big like me though to handle it

Most people consider me a slow, unfortunate soul. However, in my prime I was flying! Nobody could catch me. The sands of time have taken their toll...

Now that you know more about me, who or what am I?

$\endgroup$
7
  • $\begingroup$ Feel free to ask clarifying questions too if needed :D $\endgroup$ – Qiangong2 Aug 14 '20 at 17:26
  • 1
    $\begingroup$ Clarifying question: what's the answer? $\endgroup$ – Voldemort's Wrath Aug 14 '20 at 18:48
  • $\begingroup$ Ha! When the bounty expires and if no one gets it right, I'll explain it $\endgroup$ – Qiangong2 Aug 14 '20 at 18:57
  • $\begingroup$ "When" and not "If" I see! I have an idea about what it might be, but don't have enough knowledge about rot13(pbzchgre cebprffvat havgf, uneqjner, PZBF)... and so on? $\endgroup$ – Derek O Aug 14 '20 at 22:42
  • $\begingroup$ @DerekO rot13(Va trareny, lbh'er ba gur evtug cngu!). I look forward to your answer when you find one! $\endgroup$ – Qiangong2 Aug 14 '20 at 22:49
8
$\begingroup$

So after much pondering I think I figured this riddle out, but it's completely wild and if it's wrong I'm going to look like a crazy conspiracy theorist. I feel like a guy putting red strings on a whiteboard here and I have no idea if I'm on the right tack or not. So bear with me.

Are you

a computer processor/computer chip/DDR SDRAM?

Let me explain my reasoning here.

I can bench 200, 266, and even beyond 400 if I really try (it isn't advisable though).

200 MHz, 266 MHz and 400 MHz (abbreviated in computer science as 200/266/400) are common frequencies at which computer processor and memory chip clocks run - a.k.a. it's a way of expressing processor speeds. Pushing your processor beyond the limit it was designed for - that is, overclocking it past 400Mhz - is not advisable because it damages the hardware.

I'm pretty hot and tend to overheat, but that's just in my nature, in my skin. My family has the same issue too (so maybe it's genetic?)

Computer processors often run extremely hot, to the point where they become hot to the touch, and they can overheat if you run them too fast, i.e. when playing games or performing strenuous calculations. The whole family of computer processors that currently exist are prone to overheating, hence the line about "my family."

I'm an L2 language learner in Catalan, but I also know bits and pieces of Polish. You see, I'm a polyglot, and that's what I'm most proud of.

This is maybe a reference to the fact that computers "know" multiple languages, since being a polyglot is a word for knowing more than one language. Alternatively, it could be expressing that computers store data in many "languages," i.e. in binary.

I like my Mod pizza with Canadian bacon, Mozzarella, Olives, and Salami. Sounds delicious doesn't it? You'll need to be big like me though to handle it.

The first letters of Canadian bacon, Mozzarella, Olives and Salami spell CMOS, which stands for complementary metal–oxide–semiconductor and is used for constructing integrated circuit chips, a.k.a. computer chips and computer processors.

Most people consider me a slow, unfortunate soul. However, in my prime I was flying! Nobody could catch me. The sands of time have taken their toll...

When a computer chip is first introduced and/or manufactured, it is considered to be extremely fast, and often you'll describe your new processor as "flying" - but then gradually, with the advancement of technology and time, the processor becomes old and slow and new chips overtake it. Hence the "sands of time."

$\endgroup$
3
  • $\begingroup$ I think that the puzzle is referring to a specific model, particularly because of the sunscreen and slow comments. $\endgroup$ – Bewilderer Aug 17 '20 at 13:15
  • $\begingroup$ @Bewilderer I agree, I don't know enough about specific computer processors though to be of help. Hopefully someone can expand on my answer :) $\endgroup$ – Sciborg Aug 17 '20 at 13:48
  • $\begingroup$ Great reasoning! @Bewilderer is right though, it is a particular model/version. A great guess though (I guess technically you're right in a general sense :P) $\endgroup$ – Qiangong2 Aug 17 '20 at 16:22
8
+100
$\begingroup$

Working on what Sciborg said,

AMD K6 architecture

It's a shot in the dark, mainly because of.

Don't touch me too often, I've bitten off more than a few fingers.

They had the architecture names chompers and sharptooth.

I'm an L2 language learner in Catalan, but I also know bits and pieces of Polish. You see, I'm a polyglot, and that's what I'm most proud of.

Later models came with an L2 cache. And the same language connection Sciborg said.

I can bench 200, 266, and even beyond 400 if I really try (it isn't advisable though).

They ran at around those speeds, and became popular amongst overclockers.

I am number one, and number two, and number three, but I will never reach A-level.

There was the K6, K6-2, then K6-III, and they were superseded by Athlon.

$\endgroup$
7
  • $\begingroup$ I think you've cracked it, this lines up really well - especially the clue about biting fingers, since I couldn't figure that one out! Glad I could contribute to the solving effort :) $\endgroup$ – Sciborg Aug 17 '20 at 14:06
  • $\begingroup$ Yup, the dates all line up on this one, i think this is it. $\endgroup$ – Bewilderer Aug 17 '20 at 14:15
  • $\begingroup$ WOW! A great guess! You're honestly really close :D I'd just like to point out the second line: "People pick me up and slam me down a lot." and the sunscreen line. Both are essential. If no one gets it, I'll probably give you the bounty for such an amazing answer :) Lots of stuff line up though $\endgroup$ – Qiangong2 Aug 17 '20 at 16:21
  • 1
    $\begingroup$ @Qiangong2 Definitely give him the bounty, he deserves it! I was just the helper but he nailed down a specific computer chip that was really close to what you were going for. $\endgroup$ – Sciborg Aug 17 '20 at 16:29
  • $\begingroup$ The "I'm pretty hot and tend to overheat, but that's just in my nature, in my skin. My family has the same issue too" line leads me to the red team, but Intel did have the pentium II which came in a cartridge (slam me down), came with its own cooler so you didn't apply thermal paste (the sunscreen) maybe? They were big and were built using intel's CMOS. Ran at similar speeds, and had shiny L2 cache. If it's not K6, my blue team guess would be pentium II (Although, the other clues are lost on me). $\endgroup$ – Codesidian Aug 18 '20 at 9:04
0
$\begingroup$

The bounty has expired, so here's the answer!


Who am I?

I am the Slot 1 CPU Socket

I am number one,

Slot 1 = #1

and number two, and number three,

Both the Pentium II and Pentium III were released in Slot 1 variants

but I will never reach A-level.

Socket A was AMD's Slot 1 clone

People pick me up and slam me down a lot.

This refers to Slot 1 CPUs which are a module involving multiple parts. You plug the module into a motherboard like an expansion card. More like a modern day GPU than a CPU

It can hurt sometimes, although it isn't terrible (after all, I can handle a little shock)

The lifetime of a Slot 1 CPU was a lot shorter than other non-module CPUs. There was also a decent chance of electricity building up and shocking the CPU

Don't touch me too often, I've bitten off more than a few fingers.

All Slot 1 CPUs, but especially earlier ones are known to overheat a lot and burn

I can bench 200, 266, and even beyond 400 if I really try (it isn't advisable though).

A reference to the speeds of the early CPUs. I didn't want to say 1100 as I thought that would tip you off more :P

I'm pretty hot and tend to overheat, but that's just in my nature, in my skin. My family has the same issue too (so maybe it's genetic?)

Pretty self-explanatory

Sunscreen? Pfft who needs that? Sometimes I think my younger brothers and sisters are just wimps.

Slot 1 CPUs don't require thermal paste

I'm an L2 language learner

Reference to L2 Cache, which Slot 1 introduced to the masses

Catalan, but I also know bits and pieces of Polish. You see

C - P - You (CPU) :D

I like my Mod pizza

Reference to it being a modular socket

Canadian bacon, Mozzarella, Olives, and Salami.

CMOS

You'll need to be big like me though to handle it

Slot 1 CPUs were built on either 350nm or 250nm processes. For comparison, Intel is now making CPUs on a 10nm process

Most people consider me a slow, unfortunate soul. However, in my prime I was flying! Nobody could catch me. The sands of time have taken their toll...

An old socket, not a lot of thoroughput, slow compared to now

Hope you guys had fun! I'll be back at some point with another :D

$\endgroup$

Your Answer

By clicking “Post Your Answer”, you agree to our terms of service, privacy policy and cookie policy

Not the answer you're looking for? Browse other questions tagged or ask your own question.