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I'll admit, okay? I have no tongue.
But that doesn't mean that we are done-
A delicious dessert, or perhaps your manhood;
But don't forget to double it good.
A cold treat with a 'nana
But without the sun-
'cause that would melt it,
Which would be no fun.
And perhaps instead we could mention my dad,
Also two of him, or it could turn bad.

I'm horrendously ugly;
I'm sorry, okay?
You just have to realize
that I was born this way.
Riding on my father's coattails-
Or perhaps I meant my mother?
And maybe not riding at all
but embedding even deeper.

Maybe I can't speak
Like an imaginary electric rat,
But my appearance can still give you a heart attack.
With my streamlined, thin body,
you might think I'm a model,
But if you saw me you'd run me over; full throttle.
Big, fat feet and spaced out eyes-
Honestly, God didn't even try.

For real, I can't stress how ugly this thing is. Relay this poor creature's existence to all you know. Oh, that's right! Give me a moment... yada yada yada... "who am I?"

Hint 1:

What do you mean, "Hint 1"? The hint is right there in front of you! Okay, Okay, alligator teeth!

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2 Answers 2

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You're some sort of

Pipidae. Specifically, a Pipa pipa


I'll admit, okay? I have no tongue.

They're tongueless

But that doesn't mean that we are done- A delicious dessert, or perhaps your manhood;

Some pi(e) or...?

But don't forget to double it good.

'pi' doubled = 'pipi'

A cold treat with a 'nana
But without the sun-
'cause that would melt it, Which would be no fun.

A sundae, minus 'sun' = 'dae'

And perhaps instead we could mention my dad, Also two of him, or it could turn bad.

Not sure. Maybe referring to a Pipa pipa ('Pi' + 'pa', doubled)?

I'm horrendously ugly; I'm sorry, okay? You just have to realize that I was born this way.

It's ugly.

Riding on my father's coattails- Or perhaps I meant my mother? And maybe not riding at all but embedding even deeper.

The eggs of some Pipa species are embedded in the mother's back

Maybe I can't speak Like an imaginary electric rat,

'Pipa' is like 'Pika'chu?

But my appearance can still give you a heart attack.

It's ugly?

With my streamlined, thin body, you might think I'm a model,

They have flat bodies with a lateral line system

But if you saw me you'd run me over; full throttle.

It's ugly.

Big, fat feet and spaced out eyes-

It has those physical qualities

Honestly, God didn't even try.

It's ugly.

Hint:

The first letters spell FROG, which this is a type of. Also, it's ugly.

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  • $\begingroup$ hagfy, sorry I wasn't paying attention, is your answer ugly? Edit: Okay, fair point, yowza $\endgroup$
    – El-Guest
    Commented Aug 17, 2018 at 15:37
  • $\begingroup$ @iiiidk It seems my edit was the species you were looking for, so I added it to the top. Thanks for the revolting puzzle! $\endgroup$
    – hagfy
    Commented Aug 17, 2018 at 15:42
  • $\begingroup$ And thank you for solving :') Sorry for opening your eyes to such a horrendous monster! $\endgroup$
    – iiiidk
    Commented Aug 17, 2018 at 15:53
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Are you a

Platypus?

I'll admit, okay? I have no tongue.

This is where I have a problem. From what I can tell, it has a tongue, though I am no expert.

A delicious dessert, or perhaps your manhood;
But don't forget to double it good.

The plural of platypus is platypi, as in a plate-a-pie, which indeed is a delicious dessert. I'm not sure about the other.

A cold treat with a 'nana
But without the sun-
'cause that would melt it,
Which would be no fun.

Pie usually topped with ice-cream, or it can be served cold, like pumpkin pie.

And perhaps instead we could mention my dad, Also two of him, or it could turn bad.

Platypi have bills like ducks. Ducks are famous for duck-a-la-mod. I'm not sure on the two of him part though.

I'm horrendously ugly;
I'm sorry, okay?
You just have to realize
that I was born this way.

From it's wikipedia page, "The first scientists to examine a preserved platypus body (in 1799) judged it a fake, made of several animals sewn together"

Riding on my father's coattails- Or perhaps I meant my mother?

They have beaver tails.

And maybe not riding at all
but embedding even deeper.

Platypi have been growing more popular in pop culture, especially thanks to Phineas and Ferb's pet platypus, Perry.

Maybe I can't speak
Like an imaginary electric rat,

The noise they make is interesting, and they do look like Pokemon, which the electric rat is referencing.

But my appearance can still give you a heart attack.

It looks like an abomination.

With my streamlined, thin body,
you might think I'm a model,

Their body is great for semi-aquatic activities!

But if you saw me you'd run me over; full throttle.

Honestly. You'd be like, "Kill it with fire, it's so ugly!" No to mention it has poisonous barbs on its feet.

Big, fat feet and spaced out eyes-

They have webbed feet and empty eyes.

Honestly, God didn't even try.

There is a joke that says there is proof that God must have a sense of humor, because he created the platypus.

Hint 1:

Alligator teeth. I don't know if this one is true.

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  • $\begingroup$ I LOVE the pie pun (+1)! You've got the rat as well. Alas, you're correct that they have a tongue. $\endgroup$
    – iiiidk
    Commented Aug 17, 2018 at 15:13
  • $\begingroup$ But it's not the answer? $\endgroup$ Commented Aug 17, 2018 at 15:14
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    $\begingroup$ Nye sir, but once again I used one of your favorite tricks :) "alligator teeth" refers to something you used in this very post! $\endgroup$
    – iiiidk
    Commented Aug 17, 2018 at 15:15

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