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Here is a riddle about a crime, forgive me as not all will rhyme,

Am I trespassing? I am not! ...yet where I am matters a lot,

I hurt someone? That is not true! I'm peaceful, kind and gentle too.

Stealing? Never! Not my game! Doing no harm is my sole aim!

"Protester", "Vandal" I am not! I don't deserve what I got!

My profession is not bold, I've always done as I was told.

Nothing petty I have done, nor have I possessed a gun.

Not lewd or rude my actions be, No slight was ever made by me.

And just because I never lie, This line won't rhyme at all!

Where am I and of what crime do I speak?

Hint:

The crime is very much a real crime!

Bigger Hint:

All of the answers so far have made an incorrect assumption about the crime.

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  • $\begingroup$ SUICIDE by a gun standing on a wall of own house! :p $\endgroup$
    – Techidiot
    Commented Oct 21, 2016 at 15:45
  • $\begingroup$ drunk driving ? $\endgroup$
    – WeShall
    Commented Oct 21, 2016 at 15:50
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    $\begingroup$ Not a bold profession? Probably a refree for olympic? He carries a gun and probably he was high on drugs on the race day. $\endgroup$
    – Techidiot
    Commented Oct 21, 2016 at 15:52
  • $\begingroup$ This reminds me of "whitemailing" from the genius of Sir Terry Pratchett. $\endgroup$
    – Xenocacia
    Commented Oct 21, 2016 at 15:56
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    $\begingroup$ Must be politics, then... $\endgroup$
    – Sid
    Commented Oct 21, 2016 at 17:28

12 Answers 12

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Is the location you're in:

Prison? (EDIT: Or anywhere, actually...)

Is the crime:

False imprisonment?

You're not trespassing, because:

You're allowed to be there, you just don't want to be.

Where you are matters a lot, because:

It's the basis of the crime.

You don't deserve what you got, because:

Your other statements suggest that you haven't done anything wrong!

The assumption other answers made (bigger hint) is:

That you are the perpetrator, rather than the victim of the crime.

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  • 3
    $\begingroup$ Holy crap this makes way too much sense to not be the right answer. Kudos to you! $\endgroup$
    – Xenocacia
    Commented Oct 21, 2016 at 17:36
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    $\begingroup$ Well done dood! Have a big shiny +1 $\endgroup$
    – Brent Hackers
    Commented Oct 21, 2016 at 18:20
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    $\begingroup$ Thanks for creating something that got me to stop just lurking on Puzzling SE! $\endgroup$
    – Daniel Attfield
    Commented Oct 21, 2016 at 18:23
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    $\begingroup$ Hey, you shouldn't just be lurking if you can solve this. Well done and welcome to puzzling. $\endgroup$
    – Brent Hackers
    Commented Oct 21, 2016 at 18:33
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    $\begingroup$ Now that's what we call Lateral Thinking, awesome puzzle, awesome answer. +1 for both. $\endgroup$
    – WeShall
    Commented Oct 21, 2016 at 18:50
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Are you

a pacifist deserter from the army?

Am I trespassing? I am not! ...yet where I am matters a lot,

Where you are (in the army) is highly relevant to your situation. In normal life, refusing to obey orders or kill people would not have been considered a crime.

I hurt someone? That is not true! I'm peaceful, kind and gentle too.

Stealing? Never! Not my game! Doing no harm is my sole aim!

Being gentle and doing no harm, and especially being peaceful, is a problem when you're in the army fighting a war. Not hurting people could literally be considered a crime.

"Protester", "Vandal" I am not! I don't deserve what I got!

I would agree that a kind and gentle person who was conscripted into the army but refused to hurt people wouldn't deserve whatever fate such criminals tend to get.

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  • $\begingroup$ Love it! Not the answer but not a bad fit an really good explanations. +1 $\endgroup$
    – Brent Hackers
    Commented Oct 21, 2016 at 14:48
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    $\begingroup$ @BrentHackers If this isn't the answer, maybe you should add some extra clues to the riddle to prevent it from being "too broad"? :-) $\endgroup$
    – Rand al'Thor
    Commented Oct 21, 2016 at 14:49
  • $\begingroup$ How's that look to you? $\endgroup$
    – Brent Hackers
    Commented Oct 21, 2016 at 14:57
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    $\begingroup$ @BrentHackers Well, that certainly invalidates this answer :-) Gotta think some more then. Are we looking for a real crime, or could it all be something metaphorical? (Feel free to not answer this.) $\endgroup$
    – Rand al'Thor
    Commented Oct 21, 2016 at 14:58
  • $\begingroup$ Its a very real crime. I'll add that as a hint I think! +1 $\endgroup$
    – Brent Hackers
    Commented Oct 21, 2016 at 15:01
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How about

North Korea

Because

If you committed a crime you don't have the right to free speech

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    $\begingroup$ ROFL +1 I actually thought of this as a sarcastic response to myself! (Great minds and so on, eh?) Not the answer though. $\endgroup$
    – Brent Hackers
    Commented Oct 21, 2016 at 13:42
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Are you

Standing in court

and have you just committed

Perjury, the crime of lying under oath

Why?

Saying "I've always done as I was told." and "Nothing petty I have done" alongside "And just because I never lie" are all lies, unless you have had a 100% clean sheet since you where born.

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  • $\begingroup$ Nope. I never lie in rhyme! I haven't told a lie... But I haven't told you everything obviously:) +1 $\endgroup$
    – Brent Hackers
    Commented Oct 21, 2016 at 17:17
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Are you number 0?

Am I trespassing? I am not! ...yet where I am matters a lot,

meaning that it's between negative and positive reals. Second half: 01 as opposed to 10, etc.

I hurt someone? That is not true! I'm peaceful, kind and gentle too.

since it is the identity in addition

Stealing? Never! Not my game! Doing no harm is my sole aim!

ditto

My profession is not bold, I've always done as I was told.

as opposed to writing the name of vectors in boldface?

And just because I never lie, This line won't rhyme at all!

potentially a joke since -0 and +0 is the same (- being 'False' and + 'True' ?)

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  • $\begingroup$ No THAT is lateral... +1 $\endgroup$
    – Brent Hackers
    Commented Oct 21, 2016 at 18:20
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Are you

A Spy in another country?

"Protester", "Vandal" I am not! I don't deserve what I got!

And just because I never lie, This line won't rhyme at all!

If the lines rhymed, it would have revealed the truth as it might have ended with "Spy"

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  • $\begingroup$ The rhymes were within each line ("not" & "got", "Game" & "Aim", etc.) so the word would have rhymed with "Lie" not "Got". Anyhow, it's not hidden in the words like that. $\endgroup$
    – Brent Hackers
    Commented Oct 21, 2016 at 13:59
  • $\begingroup$ @BrentHackers - Updated my answer :D Though, I know its not an answer. $\endgroup$
    – Techidiot
    Commented Oct 21, 2016 at 14:02
  • $\begingroup$ No closer I'm afraid. +1 for sticking to your guns though. $\endgroup$
    – Brent Hackers
    Commented Oct 21, 2016 at 14:03
  • $\begingroup$ Haha and I guess it meets the rhymes conditions as well. Though, will wait for the actual answer. A hint will help though. $\endgroup$
    – Techidiot
    Commented Oct 21, 2016 at 14:05
  • $\begingroup$ I think the correct answer fits far better than anything I've been able to think of but it's not for me to judge. If I've done this right you'll be kicking yourself for not thinking laterally enough when you do see the answer. :) I'll post a hint as soon as I can think of one that doesn't feel like a dead giveaway. $\endgroup$
    – Brent Hackers
    Commented Oct 21, 2016 at 14:09
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Are you

Jaywalking?

Here is a riddle about a crime, forgive me as not all will rhyme,

I'm not sure if it's a crime, but it is illegal in many places to jaywalk.

Am I trespassing? I am not! ...yet where I am matters a lot,

You're crossing the street in the wrong place, and that is your infraction.

I hurt someone? That is not true! I'm peaceful, kind and gentle too.

Stealing? Never! Not my game! Doing no harm is my sole aim!

"Protester", "Vandal" I am not! I don't deserve what I got!

This illegal activity is not a very violent one, nor does it involve stealing.

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  • $\begingroup$ I'm not, but I see where you're coming from. I'll update with another line. +1 $\endgroup$
    – Brent Hackers
    Commented Oct 21, 2016 at 14:58
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Are you

An environmental protester? Like the Greenpeace folks trying to save the whales on the open seas?

Or maybe

a religious missionary somewhere that is illegal? Non-violent, not stealing, trying to save souls?

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    $\begingroup$ I specifically mention not being a protestor. Your other idea is pretty good +1but not the answer. I'll add another hint. $\endgroup$
    – Brent Hackers
    Commented Oct 21, 2016 at 15:33
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Are you

A double agent?

Am I trespassing? I am not! ...yet where I am matters a lot,

I hurt someone? That is not true! I'm peaceful, kind and gentle too.

Technically, he belongs to both the sides. He does it for financial benefit with no intention of physically hurting someone.

Stealing? Never! Not my game! Doing no harm is my sole aim!

"Protester", "Vandal" I am not! I don't deserve what I got!

He doesn't steal information. He just betrays one side.

my profession is not bold, I've always done as I was told.

Nothing petty I have done, more have I possessed a gun.

As I said, there is nothing wrong for him to do something to be rich.

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  • $\begingroup$ This won't hold based on "Doing no harm is my sole aim!" A double agent intends to betray one of their employers and thereby directly or indirectly damage their work (which is what the other side pays them to do). And intentional or not, such betrayals often lead to people dying. $\endgroup$
    – O.M.Y.
    Commented Oct 23, 2016 at 4:10
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Where am I and of what crime do I speak?

You're in your car, and the crime is a DUI (Driving Under the Influence).

Here is a riddle about a crime, forgive me as not all will rhyme,

Am I trespassing? I am not! ...yet where I am matters a lot,

Being intoxicated isn't a crime, but it is in this case because of where you are (in your car).

I hurt someone? That is not true! I'm peaceful, kind and gentle too.

You didn't hurt anyone.

Stealing? Never! Not my game!

You didn't have to steal to commit this crime.

Doing no harm is my sole aim!

Though drunk, you're really trying to drive well enough not to cause harm.

"Protester", "Vandal" I am not! I don't deserve what I got!

You didn't protest or vandalize, and perhaps you think you're just a bit over the limit.

my profession is not bold, I've always done as I was told.

Could be lots of things.

Nothing petty I have done, more have I possessed a gun.

It's not petty to drink and drive!

And just because I never lie, This line won't rhyme at all!

Or maybe you think it does, since you're drunk.

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  • $\begingroup$ My reasoning for never lie part was 'Breath Analyzer' $\endgroup$
    – WeShall
    Commented Oct 21, 2016 at 16:36
  • $\begingroup$ If nothing else this made me chuckle and it wasn't a bad fit +1 $\endgroup$
    – Brent Hackers
    Commented Oct 21, 2016 at 18:39
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Are you:

Jaywalking?

Here is a riddle about a crime, forgive me as not all will rhyme,
Am I trespassing? I am not! ...yet where I am matters a lot,

You're in the middle of the road which is illegal.

I hurt someone? That is not true! I'm peaceful, kind and gentle too.

Jaywalking is merely standing in the middle of the road. It doesn't hurt anyone unless you get hit by a car.

Stealing? Never! Not my game! Doing no harm is my sole aim!

Or do you intend to hurt yourself? Just kidding. You're probably just not thinking it through.

"Protester", "Vandal" I am not! I don't deserve what I got!

A jaywalker in the wrong location could be interpreted as a protestor blocking the road.

My profession is not bold, I've always done as I was told.

Simply reasserting that he's not on strike. He is merely walking illegally.

Nothing petty I have done, nor have I possessed a gun.

It is certainly not a petty crime to put one's life in danger!

Not lewd or rude my actions be, No slight was ever made by me.

I disagree and think standing in the road is rude, but that's beside the point. It isn't directly and deliberately rude towards any individual.

And just because I never lie, This line won't rhyme at all!

referring to the first statement which says this whole riddle won't rhyme. Probably just a red herring.

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    $\begingroup$ This answer was already given by ffao 2 hours ago... $\endgroup$
    – GentlePurpleRain
    Commented Oct 21, 2016 at 17:13
  • $\begingroup$ @GentlePurpleRain my answer is not the same as their's. I have much more extensive explanations. Also, many people give the same answer all the time. Why should this matter? I thought of an answer. I shouldn't have to read 11 answers just to be sure. $\endgroup$
    – user64742
    Commented Oct 21, 2016 at 17:16
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    $\begingroup$ Actually, nothing is served by posting duplicate answers. You should in fact be reading the other answers before posting your own (or it will probably just get deleted). Note also that the OP has already indicated that ffao's answer is not correct, so whether you're providing more detail is kind of moot; you're not helping by providing a known-to-be-incorrect answer. $\endgroup$
    – GentlePurpleRain
    Commented Oct 21, 2016 at 17:18
  • $\begingroup$ @GentlePurpleRain the other answer you point out is barely even worthy of being an answer on this site. It makes no attempt to explain why it chose that answer. Also, this site is not about "right or wrong" answers. We are merely guessing at solving the riddles. I've seen people post obviously wrong answers that are quite clever in the way they explain themselves. $\endgroup$
    – user64742
    Commented Oct 21, 2016 at 17:20
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Is it

Public Nudity?

Am I trespassing? I am not! ...yet where I am matters a lot,

You're not trespassing, so you're likely in a public place

I hurt someone? That is not true! I'm peaceful, kind and gentle too.

Not sure about this, perhaps it simply excludes violent crimes as possibilities

Stealing? Never! Not my game! Doing no harm is my sole aim!

Being naked technically does not hurt anybody

"Protester", "Vandal" I am not! I don't deserve what I got!

Being naked in public may be thought to be protesting something, and being naked is natural so it seems like being arrested for it is undeserved

my profession is not bold, I've always done as I was told.

Not sure about this: maybe someone dared you to go in public naked for money, as you don't have a great job and need the extra cash?

Nothing petty I have done, more have I possessed a gun.

It's a big deal to go outside naked. The gun could either reference that you cannot carry a firearm if you're naked, or people can literally see your 'weapon'

And just because I never lie, This line won't rhyme at all!

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  • $\begingroup$ I like it +1 and I hadn't thought of that one! but its not that. I'll add another line. $\endgroup$
    – Brent Hackers
    Commented Oct 21, 2016 at 16:50

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